She Makes No History

The many facets of writing

2012-01-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

"You can always read, and read, and read so often, but writing is different than reading. Reading more is not equivalent to being able to write better. Writing is difficult. It goes like a pyramid, with being able to listen and comprehend a language at its bottom, speaking a language at its middle lower, reading at the middle upper and writing at its very pinnacle. As the pyramid extends from bottom to top, its surface area decreases and so does the frequency of it being carried out. The bottom of the pyramid serves as your base in a language, your basic foundation. With the fundamental skills only can you start building upwards, to extend your pyramid to speaking, reading and writing. This layer provides you only with the skills needed for the next level, it however does not give you the key to direct access. Every inch and corner of the next layer will be just as hard to build(if not harder) than the previous layer. Persistency and hardwork is still very much needed."

My English tuition teacher once told me that, and I find it very apt to the situation I'm facing now of struggling to produce even one decent post per month. Well technically she told me till the pyramid part only, the rest of it is what I comprehended from it. However, I have to say writing really is tough, especially when you have an audience and is susceptible to being judged. You scrutinise every word and sentence, check and recheck again for grammatical errors, the correct words used and even the punctuation. You sit down and think of what do you want to say, filter it in your mind, type out the words, check on the message being conveyed, double check on any hidden messages reflected unintentionally, decide it's not appropriate and end up backspacing the whole paragraph of it. All that just to strike that perfectionism. And oh, in this technological modern age, you know anything you have posted could be used against you too.

Sometimes I wonder why do I still care to update this place from time to time since the production of each post requires much effort. Of course I definitely do have the passion towards writing, however there are more facets to this other than the underlying love for words. More than often, I blog for personal gains. I want to maintain my level of written English and the only way is none other than by writing, and keep writing. I take pride in my level of written English and I would certainly like to maintain it so, for it is a language that really allows me to speak my heart out. This place used to be taken by Chinese language some time ago(probably in form 2 and 3). Unfortunately, as my proficiency for English increased, so dwindled my writing ability for Chinese language because less and less attention was given to it. Very much like the relationship between European mink and American mink, if you know what I am talking about. However, I do not plan to give up on it (talk about the shamefulness of giving up on one's first language!). May just even take it up any of these days :) A book in Chinese will be quite a good start I guess, anyone bother lending me "You Are the Apple of My Eyes" ?

Furthermore, I blog for readership(yes, how narcissistic I am right?). I admit, I need an occasional boost to my ego for me to continue my stride towards writing. While the passion towards something is borned from within a person, external conducive conditions can certainly act as catalysts in boosting enthusiasm. Like what I've read in a blog I recently followed, 'all writer wants is to hear is these 5 words: "You're such a good writer", "You really made me think" or "Your book changed my life".' It does feel good when you get recognition from others or solely by the fact that there are people out there that reads your labour of love. Part of job satisfaction, I say.

Oh wells, enough of words for one day. Lets end this piece with some of my new year resolutions since I've not posted them up and it's still Jan afterall.

Stop procrastinating
Finish all my unread books(which are now sitting all dusty on my shelve)
Fb less, blog more
Explore uncharted grounds, expand my boundaries
Live healthier(exercise more, sleep earlier)
Finish at least one piano duet with Lin

Although some may have already been broken the moment they were set, my motive was never to not break them anyway, but to achieve them by the end of this year. So, wish me luck!! :)

Here we go again..

2011-12-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen, fingers on the keyboard, stationary. Nothing is running in my mind. Blank, as fresh parchment.

Things have been pretty much like this these days, with each day passing in a hazy, blurry manner. And waking up with half the day already gone certainly does not help. Well, nursing an inflamed ear does not help either, especially when it's so swollen and you can't touch it without inflicting some pain on yourself. But luckily it's healing. The antibiotics and medicated cream are doing their job I guess, or it may just be my immune system kicking in. Whichever way, it better work faster for my ear still looks like it's gonna fall off any moment.

But I digressed. Swollen ear or not, I 'm slacking. Aiks, slacking again. All the plans diligently thought of, listed and revised on my little piece of scrap paper, down the drain. But well, three more weeks to go, and three weeks certainly do much difference. First of all, I have to get all my homework done of course. Well, undang test too and try to attend as many driving lessons I can cram into this period of time. And oh, revision. So hmmm... which chapters next week? Organic chemistry? Energy and respiration? Lattice energy? Photosynthesis?

Sigh, define holiday again...

First love

2011-12-13T09:30:00.000-08:00

I caressed my fingers gently against you, as if direct contact would connect both our souls. You got the hint straightaway, and sent this tingling sensation back into me. My fingers made out the edges of your face, its features so sharp yet so smooth. I inhaled, catching a whiff of tempting aroma. Cheek to cheek, chest to chest; sparks flew between us like a blossoming firework.

I measured your edges and wrapped you with velvety, near-transparent wrapping paper, in fear that I'll crinkle your cover while I make my way through you. Secured with a bit of pressing, ironing out and cellotape, so was my wariness. Hence I began my journey listen to what you've got to tell and see what you've seen. Of course I was talking about my dear books, what d'you think?

You waltzed me into your world, and unearthed the deepest of your secrets to me. At times you made me curious, perplexed, snort, laugh and cry even, sometimes. But mostly you made me think and reflect. We grew in each other, with your pages yellowing and mine filled with your contents. And to our I-really-cannot-remember-what anniversary, here's a toast, to what we have gone through together. In years we age, but in each other, we immortalise. Cheers!

THE thing called money

2011-12-12T04:00:00.000-08:00

I guess the notion of how difficult those cold, hard cash come by will dawn on everyone somehow, someday. It's just the matter of time. For most people, the realisation would probably come the day they sit on the floor, spread the plethora of university brochures on the ground, hunch and sigh upon the five digit figure of it's annual academic fees with a pound symbol beautifully emblazoned before it. For the slightly luckier ones, it'll come with a pang when they start their career, officially become self-dependent financially and think of the future they once pictured in their heads before all these mess came. For the rich, well, I'm not sure if they would ever truly realise because money just keep filling their pockets, like an unending flow of the river from the bulging bank account of their parents. But if they do try to be fully independent and stop the spoon-feeding, I guess it will hit them hard and blunt in the face. Whereas for children from less financially-blessed family who have spent most of their lives ploughing grounds or hauling fishing nets from the ocean, realisation won't come. It has been inculcated in them since the very beginning.

Things have been quite gloom for me in the financial sector. And when I say that, I'm not talking about my weekly allowance. But rather my parents forking out hundreds of thousand for my degree, and that's only a basic degree. With the source of income probably diminishing from two to one soon, I often catch myself staring into blank space, thinking of what tomorrow holds for me. At this point, I really don't mind to compromise my tertiary education, something that I've always thought to be THE changing point of my life anymore. I would be grateful to do all five years here, while the idea of twinning to some foreign university seems so out of grasp already, let alone doing it somewhere else fully. Afterall it is our attitude that takes us far, not the name of our alma mater, I tell myself. To make things worst, my parents need to be reassured constantly that I will not ask them to fund my education overseas if I ever be offered a place from a university without a scholarship. They don't even tell me to give it a try. Don't I have the rights to at least hope for it? Having to put up a facade every time and act that it doesn't matter that much does saps all those dreams that used to flourish in one. I really don't know how much hope do I still have in me, or how much do I want it anymore. Seeing your dream drift further and further away, pessimism starts to build up as a natural defence for the impending failure.

As hard I do feel to think that all those that used to play in my head are dreams and just dreams, the guilt that kicks in every time I think of spending is worst. Shopping has lost its lustre, and lunchtimes need extra pondering now. Every time I feel the urge to spend, I hear my mom's voice complaining how hard work is. I've seen the best of her in these few weeks without the burden of work on her shoulders and certainly hope to keep it so. I don't want her to undergo life at hell anymore just for the money I need to use, or rather, want to. I've always had the thought that in education, utmost quality should be demanded but now, I'd think again. Mom had always say, if you're a good student, you'll find your way up in any environment. I think it's truer than ever now, and I certainly hope so. I've even been thinking whether my decision to insist on Taylor's was correct. Am I actually mingling with the wrong group, the group of people who can say, "Oh I'm so broke, I've only got five, six hundred left for this month"? Have I made a wrong decision all because of my selfishness? Oh, here comes the "road not taken" phase of what-if's again.

Nothing that comes from someone else is a birthright. After all those years of frustration from lacking material items, I think it has finally got me realise we should not expect to receive anything from our parents just because of a feeling of entitlement or because everyone else has it. Those things don't materialise out of thin air, but rather from the sweat and effort our parents put in. As much as I want to rule off money as just one of "those things" not so pivotal in life, I guess it still deserves to be called "THE thing" for now.

Reach out

2011-09-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

Case 1:
A woman probably in her 60s approached me while I was trying to located a specific brand of liquid soap at the toiletries department. She needed translation to the descriptions(written in English) on the shampoo bottles. Explaining that she had dry hair and would wish to find a shampoo with moisturising properties, we then explored the plethora of bright-coloured Sunsilk bottles to see what they had to offer. After a round of explaining and ruling out the anti-dandruff type, she expressed her gratitude and we parted.

Case 2:
A elderly lady with a toddler in her arms approached Chermaine and I with her face tensed with helplessness. She explained that she brought her granddaughter(the child in her arms) to the washroom and couldn't find her way back to the restaurant she and her daughter was having tea at. She wanted to borrow our phone to make some calls but she did not have her daughter's cellphone number. Fortunately, she could remember her other daughter's phone number in that moment of panic and with a few calls, we were able to reach the equally panicked mother of the child in the elderly woman's arm. After describing our whereabouts, the family was brought back together. The elderly woman was very delighted that she forced a 5 ringgit note into our palms, though amidst our persistent protests. Mind you, I had to speak(though very cacat-ly) in my conjured-out-of-thin-air-but-usually-non-existent Cantonese as she couldn't speak in Mandarin. I guess desperate moments do call for desperate skills.

These two cases may seem paltry and fairly insignificant in comparison to the effort of noble Samaritans delving deep into poverty-stricken areas to help out, but I'm very glad they did happened. Though I'm not sure if my helping hand did made their day, they sure did made mine. Beaming from ear to ear after both incidents, life's good.

Benevolence with motives pristine is a virtue that should come from the heart of everyone. Do not attach expectations for gains from this deed or even worry about it, for you will be rewarded in multitudes. That jubilation in you that fills so full to the brink that it spills over to your surrounding, that's your reward; that smile plastered to your face all day long and days to come, that's your gift; that bubbling feeling of worthiness in you, that's what you'll get in return. So next time when someone calls for your help, cringe not. This is the opportunity bestowed upon to you by God to serve others. This is your chance to be happy.

The Paradox of Life

2011-09-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

Note: The incomplete version of this piece was given to us by a trainee teacher some 5 years ago. Upon further checking on the net, I found this version which I'm not sure whether is it the complete version. But bahs, it's equally as meaningful and intriguing. Hope you'll like it, as of all I know, I love it.

The paradox of our time in history is that

we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,

wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less,

we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families,

more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense,

more knowledge, but less judgment,

more experts, yet more problems,

more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much,

spend too recklessly, laugh too little,

drive too fast, get too angry,

stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,

watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions,

but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information,

to produce more copies than ever,

but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,

big men and small character,

steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,

fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers,

throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,

and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window

and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember;

spend some time with your loved ones,

because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember,

say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,

because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember,

to give a warm hug to the one next to you,

because that is the only treasure you can give

with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember,

to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones,

but most of all mean it.

An embrace will mend hurt

when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember

to hold hands and cherish the moment

for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak!

And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away.

Leave me alone today

2011-09-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

Yikes, depression's trying to engulf me all over again. Oh bahs, why do I let it do this to me every time?(especially when results are out?) *Heave a deep, heavy breath* Why do I always fall short during times that demand performance at the highest level? Why do I always disappoint myself? Why do I always regret and be sulking at a side? Sigh, why do I always let myself go through this heart-wrenching and hope-draining process having know the consequences all along? Why do I always not buck up and make it hit bull's eye? Boo hoo...

And if you would please leave me alone, I need to spew out some profane tirades now.

Digging in

2011-09-08T08:50:00.001-07:00

I've been regretting lately over unwise choices made in a haste, especially of those that will tamper my possibilities in achieving my dreams. It definitely is the kiasu part in me working it's magic, or rather scorn. That little ball of ego is just not happy to admit that it pales in comparison with other beings. It sulk at the thought that it can never strive for the highest anymore for it's decision had made it impossible in any way. Somewhere deep inside it knows that that decision was most probably the wiser of the two, that it would have led to a better outcome. But no matter how much the brains convinces it that no harm is done, it just can't help but think but could have been if the situation was handled in a different way in the beginning. It ponders and wanders what has it lost out, which further proves that it's just kiasu at work.

It's a good thing though that it's just a little ball of it, not a huge swelling balloon. Just enough to strike that balance a person needs to be competitive but not become overly into it. Lately, I've always deliberated whether is kiasu a complimenting adjective or a degrading one. It often comes to mind that this widely-used word adapted from a hokkien term is not a pleasing one to describe a person. However, certain happenings had left with a different impression on it, especially when several friends of mine openly, even smugly, acknowledged that they are such kind of people. From their tone of voice, this term has definitely found a new image.

A wise person I know once said, "Being kiasu is to be a slave to your ego," which I find completely true. If you're not able to accept failure and admit incompetent due to that swelling ego in you, you'd be overwhelmed by it till it obsures your logical self. You'd have such a heart ache when you fail to achieve the absurdly high expectations you'd set for yourself, that it steers you to immoral decisions. You'd be too absorbed in it that you won't even notice that you're morphing into a monster! And when people points that out, you'd be all defensive and in denial because your ego swells too big that you can't accept criticism anymore, as the quote goes "humility is the key to an open heart". At the end of the day, kiasu would be more destroying than constructive. Thus, I think having kiasu-ness as the core of one's strive for a certain aim is indeed very dangerous as it may spark jeopardous notions.

Being competitive on the other hand is different(I think) from being kiasu, and of course far better. Being competitive is due to the drive to improve, without being out of kilter. A surge to succeed is present, rather than a need to succeed. It wouldn't hurt that much when success is not achieved, instead the fury ball of drive in oneself will burn with more vigour such that failure is it's fuel to flourish rather than extinguish. Most importantly, the heart will be open and so will the ears, to allow an input of advices, criticism and comments. The brain can process them and actions can be taken to redress the situation. In total, life will be easier.

Bahs, you've got a piece of my mind already, enough words for one day. Many parts of it are crap, but yea, that's the rough idea of it. Pardon my lack of properness, today is one of those days I just wanna not think much and just pen down everything that comes to mind without filtering. Fullstop, goodbye.

Note: This post was started in June, forgottened for a while and continued on 2 months plus later. So when I say lately, I don't really mean lately.

A flurry

2011-09-08T07:30:00.001-07:00

Peeking from between the slits of my fingers masking my face, I sheepishly examined the wreckage left by a very irresponsible me. Inch-thick of dust, cobwebs flourishing, and at the click of my stat, saw a saddening plunge. I cringed, with guilt bubbling in my veins. What has gotten into me to deprive this place, this Shangri la of my literary escapades of its deserving time and effort and close-to-heart talks? To allow this personal diary to become all mouldy and musty? I heaved a breath, and inspected the surrounding. All those familiar expressions, on events that have brought tears and twinkles to my eyes, twitches and smiles to my face, and perhaps some defining moments of my life. With slow and careful steps, I rambled down memory lane. Caressing edges of these memories all bottled up in words, sweeping off dirt from long-forgotten jewels, blowing new life into this four-walled space(one flat screen only, actually) which holds substance more than mere words in its every fold. Emotions roused from the pit of my stomach, and with remorse and steely determination, I vow to resurrection it. Draw the curtains and let the window open, with a gush of crisp cool breeze, let the magic begin again!

Before exams and homework call, that is.

So erm... hi again, dear readers(though I really doubt your existence especially at this point)? These 2 months have been outright boring if not strenuous and nerve-wrecking. With more down-s then up-s in this period of time, it does makes sense that I haven't been blogging a lot-unless you want a weekly dose of grunt and grumble on my less-than-interesting life. And so, here's one sardine-packed piece to compensate my lack of posts.

Watching Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 2 on silver screen has definitely been one of the meagre delightful moments in this period of hell. Watching the characters be twirled in a whirlwind of adventures, be overwhelmed by teenage angst, be transformed adorable buck-toothed children(that'll be Neville!) into attractive young adults, and finally fought tooth and nail to defend the magical world was indeed one heck of a roller coaster. Through neck-breaking plunges and upside-down turns, through teary despair and sweet triumph, this saga has indeed been a very large part of my childhood. And that final "All was well" was the full stop to it. Thinking that they'll never be anymore Harry Potter movies nor books to sink my brain and body in leaves me feeling empty sometimes. Of course they'll other books of equal quality for me to explore then, but this series of 7 books will always hold a different meaning in me. The first book marked the commence of the bookworm me, whilst the others whetted my appetite for more. Hence the me today. Oh, enough melodrama in a day! I can always reread my books and re-watch the movies.

In the previous holidays, I too stumbled upon a very talented writer, Jodi Picoult. My first book of hers, My Sister Keeper kept me with the book till the very end. Tensed at times, humoured at others but mostly, intrigued. The medical legal really got me thinking a lot. Whether was it ethically right to actually design a baby to supply to the ill sibling's medical needs; whether how would the designer baby would have felt all her those years where she had to give in more than any of her peers would have had to to cater for her sister's needs. She must have loved and cared for her sister, but there must have also been times where she would have felt deprived of a normal life. I'd wish I have laser eyes to see the emotional tug-of-war in her. I've read Plain Truth by her too recently. Though still an enjoyable reading, I felt the middle part was a little too lengthy. Maybe because of its medical details, my heart still goes out for The Sister's Keeper more. Oh, and I finally got to read Cecelia Ahern's PS I Love You too. Quite disappointing, I have to say, especially for a book that has been such highly praised.

College too has been a pot of events these 2 months. We've successfully had the Health Month. Trails too was a huge portion of it, bringing out the ugliest facets of us. Zits, wrinkles, eye bags, dark eye circles, I was a mess. Though how much I wish not, I think my results will reflect it too.

And of course, choosing universities to apply to was very much a headache. One whole list of them with only a limited 4 places to fill in was indeed mind-boggling. So thus I went researching and researching, spending hours in the library facing the computer till my vision blurred out every time I looked away from it. Luckily I still managed to shortlist a few out with only some final decisions to be made before the dateline. Oh and speaking of that, personal statement!! I haven't finished the piece yet due to (what else?) procrastination but I vow to get it done before this holiday ends.

Catching up on friendship has been in progress lately. Weekend shopping sessions, mamak sessions, BBQ party(though quite unsuccessful) and a simple meal were our secret escapades from the humdrum daily life. Time together will always be insufficient ever again with everyone going in different directions, but I'm grateful that we can still have these short outings together. Distance do make the heart fonder and the camaraderie more tightly woven, I guess.

Hmmm...enough updating? Okay, till next time!!

Pssst, the next post will be on my hospital attachment at UMMC. Stay tuned!

Choices and Consequences, they link

2011-06-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....guess what, I'm back? After a colossal hiatus due to little little class tests and this huge huge semester exam, yes I'm back. For long or not, you'll know pretty soon.

So the CAL academic calendar has finally do us some justice by giving us 2 full weeks of holidays after a strenuous God-knows-how-long period of torture. But somehow and I can't figure out how, shopping seems to have lost its appeal (OMG is something wrong with me?!!) and I keep going back to college, which is outright spells W.E.I.R.D. Aren't holidays the times when we can finally get some air and not repeatedly go back to that cerebral-building site?

Anyway, it does do some good, this weird thing that's happening to me. I get time(6 hours a day to be exact) to think about where lies my dream and what lies ahead. I've been researching on universities these day, which is actually kinda good since I can get a better grasp on things. But I simply can't help but shrink. For every uni I've checked on-basically just two unis only for now-I'll gasp over how hard it is to even enter and yeah, start to decrease in size abiding a geometric progression.

Often when I'm not thinking much about it in the oblivious and ignorant mode, I'll be quite confident that I'll get into a uni for mbbs in particular university-prestigious or not is a different matter. I do realize it'll be hard, but I can often picture myself in one. However at times when I do a little reading and a bit of research, I do catch myself worrying my insides out, worrying whether will I ever make it into med school, worrying do I have the personalities needed in a medical practitioner, worrying am I wanting this for a wrong reason, or even worry whether is this what I really want.

My parents have definitely been my best critics. In fact for all I remember, they've never even shown support in this decision of mine. Yes, they've done they're research like all other parents will to assist my in these trying times but no, not mental support of any kind. Ironically, they've even encouraged me to apply to Cambridge and Oxford and all those other of the same league, which totally makes no sense at all even in my dreams. It's their way maybe, to let me think and rethink again before I make the plunge of no return.

To think about this again for maybe the ten thousandth time, why did I chose medicine amongst all and get myself into all this dilemma again? Hmmm... was I intrigued by how the human body works, by how magical it's whole system is? Definitely, because I still am now. Did I thought of it as a noble profession? Possibly then, but it has never been the reason I want to dabble into this field. Being able to help people, maybe? Well, maybe. But then again, I've never really felt that much for this one as compared to my very first reason, which will unfortunately fade over time. Not?

Hmmm....time to think again, I guess.

A lurch. A pang. A sting

2011-02-26T01:08:00.000-08:00

Failure, not the best thing to taste indeed.

Every time it gives you a stab, you fall back and rely on that little last thing you can do for yourself- self comfort.

You brush it off and tell yourself everything will be fine, that it's not much of a big deal, that all you need is a few more of it before the "yes" comes.

Or at least, all it takes is a few more to numb the system.

But no, it doesn't work like that.

Every time it comes back with another stab, as painful and as unpredicted like the previous ones.

And just when you think that things will probably have a better turn finally when the roller coaster has been doing neck-breaking plunges but never a turn upwards, that the worst is finally over, it plans a deadlier comeback.

It comes back with sharper blades, piercing you straight to the heart without mercy.

It leaves you there, writhing in agony, letting your blood flow into a river.

And then it looks back mockingly, giving you that twisted evil grin.

You've learnt that with higher expectations, there comes greater disappointments.

You've learnt to wish for the best, but always expect the worst.

You've learnt to keep humility close to heart to remind you of those ordeals, to steel yourself for the next avalanche.

And then you are all but a ball of pessimism. Always planning, and predicting for the worst as if it would pounce out from the dark anytime.

Before long, you realize that too and you try to get the balance back.

You thought you finally realized that life has its ups and downs, that you should not hope to be at the pinnacle every time.

You then start to be more hopeful about things. You start to view things from a more neutral perspective.

But then it comes again.

It blows up everything you have built from scratch into smithereens, leaving you at square one all over again.

Maybe pessimism isn't all bad. At least it numbs out the pain a little.

Amidst all glum and gloomy, maybe all is not lost.

Maybe pessimism acts like an exoskeleton for you, to preserve the glimpse of hope inside you.

The tiny source of light may be wavering at times but it'll never be gone, as it has gone through so much with you that it's bonds are strong.

You may be still all frail and fragile but no, adversity will not kill you.

You will rebound, but not to be hurt so deeply again.

You will come back, only as a stronger person.

Sli, if you are reading, this is me being emo. Gah, lets stop all these emo stuff. Here's what I use to fortify myself after a spur of emo-ness.

HERO

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know that you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

And you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

When you search within your self

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know that you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Oh ho, Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away, hey yea

Hold on there will be tomorrow in time

You will find the way, hey

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know that you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Umm, that a hero lies in you

We had a sing along session during the last few minutes of Bio, and this was what ms Ho let us sang. I was more into the lyrics than the singing part though. It touched me somewhere in there. So though I'm really irritated by people posting song lyrics on their blogs sometimes, I'm letting this be an exception. The lyrics are very inspirational. Even reading it felt like some kind of therapy. Well, I suppose writing is therapeutic too, since I'm feeling tonnes better know. It's good to have a place to spew out those emotions that need to be forcefully hidden. Just be careful of how much you disclose.

When the heart speaks

2011-02-23T10:27:00.000-08:00

Cupids dance in the air as Taylor Swift's Love story choruses it's sweet sweet melody in conjunction with the all-sweet-and-sticky Valentine's day. Ahh....very refreshing indeed, from the monotonous classes and all. But no, not the type of day that'll make my anticipation soar throughout the day. But at least it still made me realize it's existence, through the papers. Where there had been quite some arguments and heated discussions whether should it be celebrated by our counterparts of a skin tone darker, I have no comments whatsoever on that. Full stop.

Valentine's day is overrated. Not only that, it is overly publicized(is this the right word??hmm....). Flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, jeweleries, even air tickets were being promoted at a high scale with the gaze-catching tagline- Valentine's day special. Even it being haram, or not haram had suddenly became such an important matter that it's roots had to be checked out. Really, is this of so much importance to the country's development?

Anyway, no discussion on serious-y, factual-y matters in here. Moving on, there were some lucky girls who had their boyfriends-or secret admirers- presenting them with flowers. Roses were of course the most favoured choice. Yes, flowers as a gift is such a trite, but definitely a fool-proofed one. None of us(i think) from the gentler sex can resist the temptation of blooming blossoms with fragrance emitting from its every fold. Oh, and knights in shining armour with a guitar in hand, gently serenading us into a dreamy romance.

Speaking of romance, I've always thought that tying the knot with your high school sweetheart would be a very sweet thing to do. In fact, it was my dream romance. I wanted it to be a bullseye at the first strike of it, to give him and only him everything. But thinking of it from a more realistic perspective, I do think I have to pretty much gobble down that sentence for it reflects so much impossibility in it. First and foremost, I definitely wouldn't have fall in love in high school-not that anyone would had wanted me- because for my rationality. It was, and is still a big NO-NO. But still, that's the rational part of my brain talking.

Yes, I would definitely want to be swept head over heels in love by my Mr. right one day, but not today. When the time is ripe, it'll come I believe. But when it doesn't come knocking on my doors, I'm definitely not going to get myself into that mess. Well actually even it comes banging on my door now, I will still decline it's entry. But like what my teacher said, it comes accidentally.

I can openly declare that I won't let it come purposely nor accidentally here. But then again, that's the brain speaking. For matters related to the heart, the brain actually has no say whatsoever.

ps:Oh, and sorry it came so late. As I said, college is torturing..

A new year, A new chapter

2011-02-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

Here I sit before the computer at 11.54pm. The prayer stuffs are all ready assembled already in the car porch. They are watching Ip Man downstairs to kill the last few minutes. We just watched some oh-I've-seen-this-so-many-times fireworks unfold before our eyes. New year greetings are starting to flow in with the cell phone vibrating at certain intervals. All I wanna say is

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!

Have a great time celebrating it. Don't get sick! Homework and lots of quizzes and projects are awaiting to swallow you after this merry time, so "kill them before they kill you"!

On a rainy day

2011-01-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

My back is aching, my neck is stiff, my toes are cold though the the fan is off and my hair is in a oily disheveled state. Not my better days indeed. Not to mention I still have a biology practical report to finish, a quiz to study for, a moral essay to write and lots of revision to do. Procrastinating isn't an option for this case.

This happens when you let Friday be a day off, go shopping on Saturday and come back with a headache, vow to settle everything on Sunday but wake up to a kitchen emitting tantalizing aroma, help out to bake cookies, spend the afternoon on the computer waiting for BB7 to load, seeing it fail and fail over again, giving up, going into facebook, then go blog-hopping, then into the Grey's Writers blog, then here. And TA-DA, you end up in this situation. Ugh, all blames to the rainy weather. It makes me want to just curl up in bed in a foetal position. The only thing is I'm just too wide awake for a lazy nap.

College is good. Things are progressing. But thank goodness Chinese New Year is in a couple of days. "I'M TIRED!", speaks it all. My shoulder and neck are aching so much that my head is threatening to just fall off the very next moment. Ugh, hate this. Sorry for so much incessant rambling over these trivial stuffs. I've been urging myself to write a proper post with proper content and proper language for some time. But things, lots of things just get in the way.

Anyway, a happy Chinese New Year to all. May happiness and health be with all of you.

PS: I've been wishing for my personal gains all my life, especially academic based ones. During my PMR year, I wished for straight A's for my PMR. During form 4, I wished for straight A's(they weren't A+ then) for my SPM. And the very next year, I wished for all A+. I'm going to make a change this year. I won't waste precious wishes over material gains-I deem them as material gain- anymore. I want not to be shallow, immature, closed-minded anymore. All I wish for this CNY is to be with my family and cherish the moments we have together. I tell myself, it's not for ever we get to be in this state of happiness and bliss.

As life goes on...

2011-01-22T16:35:00.000-08:00

Oh, I've seen The Album 8th edition. Woots, it's really nice! Some taglines below the photos are just so funny. It looks like the editorial board is making improvements. Kudos, really!

"The Whimsical Nostalgic Mind of Teenagers"

Ooh, we go with a theme this year. It's our first themed school magazine in years if I'm not mistaken. It's a milestone for them, and of course for the school.

The creative corner is pretty impressive and I can't help it but shout out, "our school's got talent!!!" I haven't really read them but they seem to be of high quality, every single one of them. I've got one chinese poem there which at the first look of it, I flipped immediately to the next page. Omg, it's embarrassing. How did it got in there? It's not even a question actually, I've got the answer figured out since the very beginning.

It makes me wonder," Hmm...did I gave you any rights to have it reprinted anywhere? You didn't even ask for my consent." It wasn't indignation that beset at that moment, just sheer curiosity. In fact thinking of it, I'm really grateful it made the school magazine. It was my last year and I do need something-good or bad- to remind me that I used to be there don't I.

I've got a drawing in the magazine too. Effect's better on paper though. The shadings were lightened when they scanned it in. But I do regret not submitting an English essay. It won't be the same feeling if I've got one there. It will be a totally different memory this book will then hold for me. Anyway, let me just post a short self-written poem here to fill in for that. Just something written on the spur of the moment.

Change

The path made an unexpected turn

To the better? To the worst?

Begging for a chance, so earnest

A glimpse of hope

A joke or a rope

To pull me up from the blind grope

A twist of fate elude

Blessing or vicissitude

Fiasco or sheer fluke

Impending sunrise

Or dusk even darker?

Sometimes my thoughts just find its way out from my fingers

2011-01-21T22:55:00.000-08:00

"Creativity is inspired, not taught"

It's validity is not to be questioned, but I would really like to add on another phrase though. Perseverance too is inspired, not taught. I'm not to sure if this applies to all, but it works pretty good for me.

I can be seriously like a worm at times- move only when its a move-or-die situation. But upon stimulation- like seeing another worm moving nonstop or when I see food just a distance away(which means being kiasu at times, and being focused on an ultimate goal) , I'll have my moments of gusto too. At times it can be a miracle for me to finish the syllabus by the time I step into the examination hall( especially for some subjects) but sometimes a pang of guilt just hits in time for me to find some fake determination. You can't underestimate the power of guilt!

Today's the third day of college. Things are getting a lil better. Intolerable lethargy still plagues my bones though. I wanted to go jogging today at around 6 but the tiredness was too hard to bear and therefore I dozed off at about 5.30, vowing to wake up in time for a short jog. But I ended up waking up for dinner at 8. That's how tired I was, imagine that. It wasn't those lazy afternoon naps, but a lie-down-then-pengsan type. Seriously, college is tiring- though my brother actually reminded me, our schooling hours actually aren't that long.

Girls in my class are very kiasu(sorry) and alert. A little too over the board that it freaks me out a lil. 2nd day of classes and they've already got their hands on reference books from the library. Freaky indeed. These are times when guilt comes filling those holes left in you due to uncertainties. And-of course, what did you expect?-I got some, only to be confused out of my wits. OMG what have I brought myself into?? Goodness, Chemistry, those atoms, names for shells(or I thought it was).......Ugh

We had our first biology class today. Ms Ho was VERY CUTE!!! Omg, never in my life have I seen such a teacher who can make so funny expressions, and talk so fast. For instance, read this:

Ms Ho: Class, I'll post my notes on BB7. And by the way, it's handwritten. You can print it out from there but my handwriting is very the aiyo one lo.

Yes, that's a teacher talking. Okay, I actually don't remember word by word what she was talking in the front part back the back part was true, without any amends for inappropriate language or what not.

And she said she has high expectations on us. She expects us to work harder than she does or she'll explode. It makes sense in every way actually. When I put in so much effort in my students, I would want to see my results and it would be very frustrating not to. Because I've been putting in so much, trying every avenue to make A* possible for them but they themselves are not even the least concerned when it's their result, their future which is at stake. She'll explode, because she cares.

Shading my eyes slightly from the enthusiasm that's shining so brightly from Ms Ho, I secretly wished I could be a good teacher too, like her. To be able to educate the students, but not only in terms of academic knowledge- it is of too shallow your personality if you only wished to do so as a teacher. To intrigue them, make them see the world in a different perspective, brush off those bad traits and fill in respectable ones, to prepared those little ones into the world which actually hold much beauty, if you would just acknowledge its ugly side and stand brave to deal with it.

I've not always had the perception that teachers, or educators were noble beings till sometime last year. I don't know what hit me in the head, but in all of a sudden, I realized. Like how the proverb goes, teachers are "the architects of a human's soul". A respectable teacher has much influence towards his/her student. Do not underestimate your power, teachers!! In the age of growing up, we absorb in a lot of mindsets, traits, habits from the surrounding for before we know how to produce ideas in our minds, we do first absorb. Which is why I personally think a child's upbringing is of utmost importance and is omnipotent in his/her later years.

Teachers are noble, teachers are brave, teachers deserve all the applause we have for them. Therefore,people out there, do not be reluctant in your strive towards the education field. Always remember, the future of our future generation lies in your hands. Teachers, you are not petty, you have a say on the country's future!!

It would have been nice if I know how to teach actually, but I can already sense that this is not the field for me. My ambition? Hmm...I'm still thinking about that. I've got some ideas in mind already, but don't rush me. Some can be very science-y, others can be at the other far edge of arts. The range is just huge. It seems that I'm just interested in everything- you can cut law out though, definitely not my cup of tea. Though how often I say that I'm still thinking, maybe, just maybe I've already got it figured out deep inside. All that I can say is I Have A Dream. I want to be able to heal a person physically and mentally.

I'm cooking up a post on that. Hopefully it'll be up soon if college life still permits blogging. Yes, I know, time management speaks it all but meanwhile I'll be reading Martin Luther King's I Have A Dream speech. I saw a snippet of it in a book. Love the title. It brings hope even by the sound of it. Not to forget, LIVE THE MOMENT people!! Live isn't long and it's not everyday you are a blooming, glowing, shining, radiant, cheery 18!

Love,

min yien

Embarking on a Taylor's journey

2011-01-20T03:16:00.000-08:00

Hey people, I know I haven't been updating for awhile. And I am aware that it's about 3.20 in the morning now-very past my bedtime.

But Yayayayayayy!!!!! Its Thaipusam! Oh, thank God for this break day from college. It's tiring, torturing and tearing me into pieces in case you haven't notice that.

Orientation was fine, i guess. Not really THAt organized(you made us skip our break time!) but games were pretty fun and the student helpers were warm.

New friends found, of course. But-of course, again- it'll be nothing like 5 matahari. Ooh, talking about that, I really do miss our times together. But we have to move on, right? Everything has to.

First problem about college- I have to wake up EARLY!!! If you know me, you would most likely have knew that I live pretty near my high school that waking up at 7 will not cause me to be late at school.

Second turn down- (well, this haven't happen actually, but I'm sensing that it's looming in soon, very soon) burdening studying!!! A levels sounds so alien, the subjects seem to be just-kill-me-i-won't-pass-any-of-them kind of mind boggling.

Third point- the cultural shock, I would call it. Everything is so canggih-fied here. You get notes from the net, register for clubs online, get your infos on the webportal thingy. Goodness, can you pity me, a person who doesn't have a computer to use till night time? Ugh, don't make things hard for me!

fourth- I'm on my own. There's not really much to complain about this actually. It would have come sooner or later. I have to get my books at the bookstore somewhere down the shophouses, tackle it with my non-existent sense of direction and well, pretty much stand on my own two feet. As they warned, NO MORE SPOON-FEEDING, which I was so accustomed to.

College, I know there lies a different beauty in you but please, let me survive for this 18 months.

To her and to myself

2010-12-14T23:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I do realize how irritatingly pessimistic I can be. You could lead me to garden full of blossoming roses, and I could still be thinking of the prickles and thorns of these darling buds first before being mesmerized by this scenic panorama. Of course, I would more than often brush that off as being realistic but no, deep down inside I know it has passed that boundary.

I do admit that I am very blessed to be surrounded by an optimistic hub of supportive friends who would be very encouraging in each of their unique ways. But I regret to say that it wasn't them who made me not only realize this problem, but to be eager to make a change. It was a friend who I didn't spent my five years of high school life mingling her nor six years of primary school life. It was those rare friendship that bloomed almost out of nowhere, like the sedges that grew on a volcanic land.

I have to say it wasn't an instant click, in fact it was a very fragile one due to certain circumstances that anything could have made what we have today impossible. Some friendships are "smooth-sailing" and steadily progressing as I would say, but ours was far from it(well, at least for me). Hurdles threatened to send us apart as words poisoned the mind and unstable footing intoxicated it. But it was as if fate was written. This is a case that can be summed up by the saying "distance makes the heart fonder" I guess. It was the separation that played the platonic cupids.The weekly mere two hour meeting proved to be enlightening in many ways for the heart is open and the thoughts are blatant, not to mention bursting with humour and intriguing.

I deeply admire her courage in pursuing a field where I think bread and butter may be uncertain but she said it was faith that she has, not courage. I didn't mentioned but I knew, faith is perfected by courage. Her faith in God is steel-binded and sturdy that it made my twisted mentality on certain issues seemed worst than awful. She may beg to differ but I have to say that she has a heart of gold, and mine is, well, wasmaybe made of rock? I used to write about savouring happiness even in mediocrity through my pieces, yet have I fully, or even partially understand it? I used to describe the person in my pieces ramming like a bull into anything that glitters without a backbone nor a mind, let alone a life. Yet am I not starting to fall into that trap?

She was the one who taught me that at the end of it, it may not be the big things that matters most. I read an essay today which made me think about her. It said success may not be achieving the best, but trying your best. Easy said, but hard to be done! Tell me, how many people on this vast Earth are able to be satisfied with mediocrity and not be jealous of the "success" of others? Success is self-defined. God has everything planned for us as she said, and her road had been set. Maybe it was really all about faith that gave her optimism and courage.

I went blog-hopping today and came across a blog spilling with sorrow, some pieces even sounded homicidal! A pang of realization hit me hard in the stomach. These are what I had been writing all along, just maybe a with a notch or two less homicidal thoughts. "Do I want to be such a person?" I questioned myself, "Do I want to be such a gloomy and annoyingly pessimistic person?" Somewhere down the lines, I did felt like giving the writer a good shake and tell her, "Let it be! Just let it be!" It was most painful to read. On the spur of the moment, I realized I do not want to be any bit like the writer, not even a flake of dead skin cell to be similar.

Today, I end the very last paper of the SPM examinations; today, I step into a brand new chapter of life; today, I acquire freedom but also greater responsibilities; today, I hope to make a change to myself. Today, I solemnly pledge that I will get my optimism back no matter whether it is bulldog tenacity or Herculean effort it demands.

Do not ask why roses have thorned stems, but be grateful those lovely blossoms found their way out of those prickly branches.

pulsating heat, hurdles ahead

2010-09-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

Trails after burdening trails are finally over but this means nothing else other than dooms day is creeping near!!! Just when all I want to do is to just lay back, relax and inhale some much-needed fresh air, a pang of urgency vibrates through the idleness of my mind and together with it comes guilt. I'm totally regretting for not studying hard enough for my trails, let alone the actual one. Every time I attempt to bury myself into the books, something just comes in between us and I'll just happily let the lazy lazy me take over into another period of daydream. Coming to think about it, I really am a procrastinator at nature. Heheh..... sorry to say but I really am one.

"we regret to inform you that we will not be able to offer you the Principal’s Award."

So this is our latest tagline. Unfortunately, Taylor's thought all of us were unworthy for their scholarship and all we get is a lengthy letter of rejection which I thought was bursting with sarcasm. They started with "we appreciate your blah blah blah.." well at least they courteous enough to say something nice first and then it was that tagline. I was fine with that too until the next part, those sarcastic "comforting words".

"The Award Selection Committee assessed the candidates based on thorough consideration of their leadership skills, academic achievements and involvement in sports activities. Qualities such as the candidate’s ability to organise, synthesize and present information effectively, ability to form opinions and articulate views from a global perspective, and ability to assume leadership in small and/or big groups were considered as well. All of these qualities are in alignment with our purpose of educating the youth of the world to take their productive place as leaders in the global community."

Get it? Meaning we are poor leaders? Slack in our examinations? Suck in sports? Well, I do have do agree about the sports part, I do suck in sports but check the next sentence. So, we are not able to organize, synthesize and present information effectively, form opinions, articulate views from global perspective and be able to lead? I'm not saying that I'm perfect from all angles, I never am and I will never be, but ughh.... All I can say is I sense a thorn amidst those words. Well, maybe it's just me being me again, too sensitive and taking things all too personal. I don't feel insulted actually, just thought that it was a little amusing. It made me grin actually for no particular reason.

But I'm a little worried. Stepping into a place like Taylor's without scholarship? It's a risk too large for me to swallow! You know those sky-high tuition fees, it totally demands an arm and a leg! At the same time, you couldn't be sure whether your SPM results will be able to secure you a scholarship later on, so, to enter or not to enter? Ugh, uncertainties again!

My mom's been pestering me into going into form 6 lately. Cheaper of course, and none of your doors will be closed out. But dang, it's tough and demanding! Why all the suffering and torture? I'll leave this to think about till later, I guess. :(

And Goodni.....no, Good morning!

2010-07-04T02:53:00.000-07:00

A random post with some random facts from me before I end my day...

First, the irritating add math project is FINALLY done for good. And I can now throw it out of the windows to Pn. Lee who had been rushing us for it since last week.

Second, I do not plan to stop my reading through any medium may it be books of motivational, fictional genre, blog..... Half an hour or maybe just fifteen minutes of escapism from my monotonous and busy lifestyle(with loads of tuition, obviously) with a break-neck speed would be like the forbidden fruit I would savour with delight.

Third, I realized that there are different pathways you are obligated to follow for different countries you would want to further your studies in. There's this American Transfer Program(if my memory serves me right) if you plan to go to US or Canada and other Pre-U courses if you opt for UK etc.

Fourth, I get only about 5 hours or even less of sleep nowadays. I would go to bed at about 2am every morning and get up at about 7am. Yes, I know this is actually very unhealthy but somehow I'm getting used to it already. I'll get myself some afternoon nap though if I really could not resist the urge to go Zzzz...

Five, I LURVE gummies. Gummy bears, marshmallow.... anything that spurts juice when you sink your teeth in them is the perfect sweet for me.

That's all for today, I guess. Really need that precious sleep .

Insecurity makes me shiver

2010-07-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

In all of a sudden, the whole of my confidence shattered. It pulverized to be exact, till I don't even care to mend it by self-praise. Well first of all, I don't even have a whole big lump of it to start with thus stuffs(lots of stuffs, actually) make me squirm like a worm.

You see, I've dropped by some blogs today to do some much needed reading as fortunately, my dad has a meeting to attend and the computer is FINALLY UNDER MY EAGER FINGERS! I really needed this escapism into the world of creativity with all these beautiful, beautiful words thus I chose tiffanykml.com as the rendezvous of my tea party with them. This URL was actually found on StarTwo some time ago with the description of the writer being creative or so and I decided to give it a try!

The recent posts are about her daily life hence the language use may not be as bombastic, still pleasing to my eyes nonetheless (can't tolerate pieces with lots and lotsa shortened words like wtf, btw, swt....well you know what I mean). But check her pieces tagged 'writings' and you would feel the pang too. Oh, now I feel like someone worthless showered with praises I shouldn't have even accepted or dream of in any of my absurd fantasy. You'll be able to read her short stories at fictionpress page and expect poems too at her other blog specially created for her creative writing.

Set your feet into this magical dimension and be vowed by her work. You'll feel out of breathe and somewhat suffocating once in a while from all the disbelief, bewilderment, perplexity and admiration on the prowess of her talent and skills. Well, once again I'm feeling paltry. Why can't I find something I'm really good in?! Maybe I'm bound to be the Plain Jane who has to be satisfied with mediocrity, to be contented even if I'm the weaker of the two or at the best, on par with someone else.

But I've had enough living under the shadows of others. I want to shine too like anyone else. Maybe, just maybe, I'm this unpolished diamond or so. Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not being narcissistic. I really need some self-praise to prevent me from crumbling. Confidence has always been blurred in my dictionary, never really there nor never really not there. A few compliments, and its ink darkens; a few criticism, and its ink fades. Yes, I lack in confidence, and I know this shall be a problem sooner or later. It has been the roots of a fair share of issues yet the worst has yet to come.

I can foresee that this would spell trouble for me in contemplating my future. As written in the poem 'Road Not Taken',

"two roads diverge in the yellow woods,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;"

If you do know, I'd always have problems with my speed during essay writings. Fortunately, I know the reason. I contemplate too toooooo long on the appropriate words to use and ways to make it as flowery as possible thus gaining myself one of my many nicknames--flora (obviously for the flowery writings) thanks to ms. Ng Pik San. This problem was not mentioned once but too many times by my English tutor that I didn't care to count anymore that she starts to get frustrated and I start to feel dejected.

Who knows, I may fall to the same problem again when choosing my future career path. I may ponder, and ponder, afraid to make a decision in fear that I may rue it later till I miss the perfect time for it. Imagine, me ,only stepping into the university for the first time at age 30, OMG it gives me nightmares! I fear the hurdles, I fear the challenges, I fear the consequences!

Then there's something like this in the poem too.

"I shall be telling you with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverge in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Well, I too worry that I shall not have the courage to choose the less traveled road when I should be doing so. I may opt for the easy one and end up regretting it for the rest of my life! Yes, I worry too much but isn't this worth worrying about?! It's my future and I want something fruitful out of it. I may not be a politician nor can I make a difference to the world yet I crave and strive for achievement! I don't want to be just any Tom, Dick or Harry, I have a name and I want it to be known!

Mrs. Naidu, my previous English tutor made us copy an essay with the title 'The Many Faces of Human Being' before. There was a part saying

"A human being is a fickle being, dogged by various kind of doubts and trepidation. It change its mind as fast as its changes its mood. It can be confident one moment, confident of its ability, its rightness, its knowledge, its vision. It can confidently decide on something. It tells itself: 'This is it. This is what I want to do. This will make me happy.' or 'This is the answer. I'm sure this must be it.' But the next moment, it is not so sure anymore. It hesitates, it wavers, it changes its mind, it goes off on another tangent. I can be reduced from a state of supreme confidence to a wreck of nerves.

A human being is a most worrisome creature. It can worry to no end about a thousand and one things. It can worry about the most frivolous things. It can worry nothing. It can worry itself sick, until it is unable to eat or sleep, to sit still or to do anything, until it contracts ulcers and even cancers. It can literally worry itself to death"

This is one of the many pieces I love a lot coz it applies aptly to me. And yes, I can worry myself sick. I'll usually go hit the sack when being burdened with pressing problems yet these naps never seem to shun the stress away. Some people suggests exercising to reduce stress but it doesn't work for me either. Mine will only get lost for good when the problem is settled which may not be possible immediately sometimes.

And now I should be heading back to deal with my Add Maths project. Feeling a little guilty from all the procrastinating.

I fear I will not be able to live up to other's expectations.....

life.....

2010-06-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Okay just a quick update, know you all have been dying to read(cheh, narcissist Xp).

Life's been pretty much the same this few weeks. Wake up at bout 7 in the morning, miss breakfast, gulp down milk, dash to car, reach school in groggy condition, assembly, classes, recess, classes, lunch, tuition, homework and maybe a second or third session of tuition, dinner ...... dreary... humdrum... monotonous...... torturous... homicidal...... tiring... boring....and doze off in micromilliseconds by the end of the day.

Yes, I'm making my life like hell with loads of tuitions, tuitions and more tuitions. What a life am I living. Fortunately, this battle shall end, this war shall end with me winning it(hopefully). Through the midst of darkness, bleakness, hopelessness and well, many many more pessimistic expressions(check your thesaurus!) I shall fight with a bulldog's tenacity and Herculean courage

and my mom's chasing me away now, so bye till then

I want sunflowers at my funeral

2010-03-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

As usual, the great ball of flame was flaunting its power smugly again. Droplets of sweat oozed out profusely from every single pore on my skin, drenching the hideous piece of garment which hung loosely on my shoulders. I sat uneasily on the wobbly school chair that I once thought would give way and throw my big ass straight to the filth carpeted floor.

I cringed. But no, I wasn't because of the hell-like atmosphere that haunted every single student who was not blessed with a fan on top of their head. My days of cursing and grumbling about the sultry(typically Malaysian) weather which proved to be futile and to no good use at all had long been over. In fact, I had long learned to endure it.

Frenzy, euphoric screaming burst out once again from our "dewan terbuka",which was the venue of dooms day. A tingling sensation spread through my pulsating veins to the very tip of my toes and fingers again till numbness engulfed my whole soul. I couldn't even hold my pen properly for every position I attempted seemed wrong! And yes, you've guessed right! That's the reason.

All that I could do was to fiddle with my pen for my mind was as blank as fresh parchment. I know this'll sound kinda evil but somewhere deeep down in me, I truly hope that the SPM results of our predecessor batch shall do a bungee jump to rock bottom that our teachers shall have to dig a hole to hide their face. However, yet to no surprise, the shrieks and screams of jubilation from below had shattered my ridiculous daydream.

Cows would have wings and could most probably fly if this batch of students fail to achieve outstanding results for they had long been tagged "the brainy batch" by both our teachers and ourselves. As for our batch of f5 students this year, we had been acrimoniously named the "weak batch" (or the dumb batch ) by En. Najed during a ceramah in which we refused to shut out big mouths up.

However though how heart-wrenching it is, I couldn't agree more that we are indeed the weaker of the two! And yes, obtaining equally superb results would be a challenge as said by Mr. Tay(more of a self-indulgent fantasy, actually) let alone clinching greater heights.

Roaring laughter burst out again, breaking the usual stillness that blanketed the school when examinations were in process. My stomach made a flip and I cringed, again. I made a quick glance to my fellow classmates and somehow managed to seek comfort from the fact that I wasn't the only person feeling jittery. It's a feeling of if-we-will-die-we-shall-die-together, I guess.

Though often looked down upon, we are not a bunch of raucous teenagers who are nothing more than empty vessels. Yes I admit, we do talk rubbish sometimes but listen attentively and you shall find that we're just a little less bookworm-ish and perhaps, a little more mischievous. We are also fighters, as bold and sturdy as our ex-f5. We shall fight to the very bitter end too though how many colossal avalanches we have to endure and how many three-headed Medusas we have to fight. Have faith in us.

*Sigh*With our deciding moment about 6 months away, this year will inevitably be a rough and mind-boggling one. Let's cross our fingers and wish hard we don't go kaput in the process! :D

we shall pull through this hand in hand

this is life

2010-01-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

Oh I'm dead tired now.

So today I reached school at 7am sharp, left for Wisma MCA to participate in some calligraphy competition, finally allowed to come home after the results were announced, reached school at about 3.30pm, reached home at about 3.40pm, ate lunch, took a bath, set out for english tuition again at 4.15(dare not be late for the first day of tuition), suffered the 2 hour tuition, class finally dismissed at 6.30pm, headed for Seremban to attend a joint b'day party of my brother and my cousin........

Today's activities seemed to be endless and I'm seriously in need of some precious good sleep now so goodbye till then.....

No, I'm not neglecting this blog. Just tooo tired to show enthusiasm.

X.x

sweet fond memories, untouchable

2010-01-01T00:25:00.000-08:00

Disneyland-- the place where our dreams still live

Out from reality, into the land of wonders

Now as a guest, no longer an occupant

Visiting this land as a second timer

We all used to live here, do you remember?

Stepping on these familiar grounds

Exploring this long-lost fantasy

The realm of our childhood dreams

The kingdom where Stitch and I had ice-cream!

Sweet fond memories, untouchable

Be reminisced, but a lovely past

It was a long time ago, still irreplaceable

Vividly playing and replaying till my brain rusts

Six feet underground barely matter

This is in me forever and ever

May the face be wrinkled, the heart so girlie

In the river of reverie, swimming with Dory!

Do your magic, Fairy Godmother

Make me a carriage out of feathers

hocus-pocus, abracadabra

So that I could sail all the way to Neverland!

Yo Tarzan, dear Tarzan

How has your forest been lately?

Our's are nothing but very messy

Wrecked by the booming technology

Hola Mulan, howdy Aurora

When are you inviting me for a cup of tea?

Hi Giselle, hello Cinderella

We have sewing machines now, give the mice a rest!

Dream wild, dandelion!

Let your thoughts run free

To the deepest of the oceans

To the highest of the mountains

Let them wander along with the wind

Shall we dance again, my dear prince

Like I've never left and never will again?

Looking back at all those cartoons I've watched since my baby days, I can't help but let out a long, heavy breath. It seems just yesterday when we were watching Marlin and Dory(aww, the short-term memory lost fish, how cute!) on a quest to find and rescue Nemo in Finding Nemo and then there was Shark Tale about this vegetarian shark. Ahh.... sweet fond memories, untouchable

Anyway, Happy New Year everyone!!! One year has passed and it's a brand new year again! In other words, SPM year. BOohoo :(

Aloha!

2009-12-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

Updating from Hong Kong!!!

Ahhh, what a tiring day.... I've just spent my whole day at the Disneyland and I now have one word to describe it.

Magical!

Stay tuned for the proper updates!

I miss being terrified?!

2009-12-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

Reading back my previous posts--especially the ones which I cursed the form 5 people in my BM tuition-- makes me want to laugh out loud! It's kind of funny reading back how I described my tragic visits to the form 5 class--which I did went quite a lot of times though, despite describing them as horrifying and torturing. It's like a roller coaster ride--you go through it for the first time out of curiousity, it scared the hell out of you, you swear you're never ever gonna go for it again but end up asking for more!

I know normally form 4 and form 5 people in the same tuition don't care about the presence of each others, let alone communicate or interact as the reason is clear--they are complete strangers and have almost nothing in common(not that they know) just that they have tuition from the same teacher, that's all! However, things are a little different here at Mr. Kong's tuition. Leaving aside the things he teach--which are kind of one of a kind-- interaction between form 4 and form 5 students or even seniors who have already graduated seems to be a norm here! I know you'll be thinking 'how weird...' but it's the norm and it seems like the form 5 this year are just keeping it continue! I'm sure I will too since it is very beneficial for both parties. Mutual relationship, I would say(though maybe the form 5s benefit more than we thought as we've recently found out how evil and desperate they are, totally betraying our trust)

It's unbelievable(please note: unbelievable #1) they could go to such extent just to... improve their BM? Doesn't look like it as their BM is already super pro, almost godlike--like the legendary Wong May Ling. Frankly speaking, I don't know why do they have to sort of collect other people's essay and don't ask me why am I hunting them too now as I really don't know why. Maybe I'll have to use that excuse too-- to improve my BM, and I'm sure Munn kitt has a lot of things to say when I say this. This is always an inevitable part of our conversations--mostly through fb chat--as I always start the conversation by asking him to persuade his sister(the legendary Wong May Ling) to help us get Phebe's(or should I say the godlike Phebe Lee since she's on par with or better than the legendary Wong May Ling, as said by teacher) essay then he'll say I'm already good enough in my BM, I'll defend myself by saying I'm not and it always end up with me speechless, not wanting to argue further with him. Anyway, I still have the feeling that they're evil, very evil under their god-like facade.

Anyway, I didn't intended this post to be one full of curses and critisism so shall we go back to our original track? Okay, our interaction with the form 5 class all started out on a Wednesday or Thursday during early of the year when Mr. Kong handed me a piece of paper with two full pages of words photostated on it and the word "trade" written and circled on the header. Mr. Kong being Mr. Kong had definitely been talking about us in his form 5 class and maybe the form 5s decided to see for themselves how....(I don't know what word to use here. I'm trying to avoid the word 'good' as I know I wasn't, yet it wasn't that sucky, I think. Nevermind, I'll stay with the word) good were our essays--for a newcomer I mean, we may be not even form 1 standard at that time. Please note that I'm not trying to brag here okay--it isn't your business too if I really did anyway, it's my blog if you remember. Tee hee, just joking--but I do remember we did get quite a lot of praises at the beginning.

Maybe we weren't that good, maybe teacher was just motivating us to write more( not many of them do their work and hand up their essays, for your information) but I couldn't help but gape in awe at the speed we picked up those bombastic words. We were barely able to crawl at the beginning and now we could run! We started from zero and mind you, the journey to what we have achieved today isn't easy as pie. I remember I was all confused for at least a month's time there observing them cari-ing isi but not knowing how to, seeing Jane being obviously the most superior one in the class, listening to teacher's story about how great the legendary Wong May Ling, Janice Siew--or Liew, I'm not sure--and some other seniors were, being introduced to 5W1H the very first days there(though I did neglected it till I know my frasa and still can't master it till know) and reading Janice's essay which teacher gave everyone of us and end up having a headache.

For goodness sake, it felt like I was reading some arabic word or a passage from the al-Quran! (no pun intended, just purely trying to express the confusion in my mind) It was like having a concussion, plus the words were blur! Then when I started trying to apply frasa in my essays--mostly pendahuluans only, though-- the praises started pouring in. Unbelievable!(unbelievable #2) It wasn't what I predicted at all since I didn't actually get an 'A' in trials--only got it by asking(not pleading, mind you) for one more mark since that's all I need-- and I always get the lowest marks in BM among my friends. Then suddenly there was the pressure to keep up to the expectations and I ended up doing malay essays more than Add Math, or maybe at the same rate.

Later on, there was a period of time when the comments I get was only 'erm...quite good'. It's like a growing company suddenly experiencing static growth. Pathetic, I say. Then it was the time when we started to ransack the mountain of papers on the 'rubbish couch', on a quest to unearth and discover those precious, precious essays covered up in dust and soot which were wasted and left to rot all this while. The sweat, the 'arrrrCHOO's, the shriekings and the 'yikes's makes me smile in reminiscence looking back how bizarre this year was. Guess what, we even found clothes and a pair of RED underwears in the pile of paper!!! Unbelievable!(unbelievable #3) I really don't understand how could mr. Kong endured such mess for such a long time( we found some newspaper in the pile and guess the year---2002!)

Oops, just realised I've gone very offtrack again. Okay, back to topic. About the first piece of paper from them to us, it consists of 2 pendahuluans. I've checked back and realised they were from both Phebe and Marcus respectively. I've never foresee this was imminent at all. In fact, I was a little startled--remember what I said about this tuition being a little different? How can I not be when this comes like a bolt from the blue and I've never encounter such situations before! Anyway, the trading was more than worth it so I gave them my then-still-sucky essay without a second thought! And there starts the beginning of our bittersweet relationship! Haha :)

Then later, curiosity got the better of us and we ended up paying the form 5 people a visit. I don't know what were we thinking then and where did we found that boost of courage but yes, we went to the form 5 class. Unbelievable!(unbelievable #4) The proverb "curiosity killed the cat" really applys very aptly here. Our first visit there weren't that tragic since we have Janice's 5W1H in our hands and they wanted them, I think. I remembered it was a Friday night and I went to my piano class 1 hour earlier in order to make it there on time. We had butterflies fluttering in our stomach, slightly nauseous from the excessive trepidation, cold hands and feets and sweaty palms. Shivering slightly, we made our way into the house and took the two places behind teacher.

I remember we sort of guessed that the girl sitting there at the corner was one of the people we intended to trade with as we had asked teacher where do they sit before. She(Phebe) had straightened, slighty-over-the-shoulder hair and quite a kind look, I think. As she approached us, I shuddered harder and as she introduced herself to us, I could barely speak back, tougue tied. Then Joanne tan( the evil one, remember?) came, she was better-looking than I thought though as scary as I thought. We traded our things, I couldn't even remember what did we got in exchange but at least we did get something in return. Things weren't as scary as we thought--that was what we thought at first-- but Wei nee later said that they aren't that nice and were just putting up a false front when we told her everything. Unfortunately, she was correct. Our second visit was a total disaster( you remember the post where I said half of my soul was already killed by them that night and left to rot at Mr. Kong's house?). I've blogged about this one under the title--bloody f5s, so go check it out to see how disastrous it was if you haven't read it before. Mind you, it still makes me shudders at the thought of it.

Okay, moving on there was this time when I went there alone as Pik san was having some camp. I've also blogged about this before under the title--when you know when you're gonna die and how. So, you have known the reason and how I felt the day before, let me tell you the rest of it. I was totally restless the whole night. Well, I did managed to sleep that night--with butterflies in my stomach though, woke up extraordinarily early and was suprisingly very alert the next morning with the disastrous visit imminent as the first thought in my should-be-groggy-yet-very-awake mind. As usual, I left to the mamak stall at Taman Megah with my parents for breakfast yet ended up wasting half of it due to my lack of appetite at the thought of it. I didn't ate much too during lunch as the tension seemed to constrict my stomach with an invisible and invincible rope. It was just too much for me to endure.

By the time we had to set off for tuition(which I sort of think it of my graveyard and the rubbish couch as my grave), my hands and legs were cold as ice, my palms were sweaty, I was quivering slightly, nauseous, had a frown etched on my forehead and sort of had IN PAIN spelled on every part of my body. I had regreted this decision since the very minute I said "okay" to this suicidal action and it was shown clearly on every part of me then but I knew I painfully needed to know what was wrong with my dear beras pendahuluan. It turned out to be a teeny weeny mistake which I corrected in no time yet this hasn't nearly brightened my day as I needed to spend the rest of the one and a half hour with them! I remember I walked my way as fast as I could to the seat on the end of the second table and tried not to look at them at all yet I couldn't help but notice teacher's expression as I made my way to the seat(I chosed that place as it was the furthest away from the main table and a nice place to hide from them) and those three girls'(Joanne tan, Phebe lee and Katrina wong) reaction.

I was already shaking from the northpole-like temperature there and the soaring anxiety, their looks made me shiver even more vigorously like I was some accident sole survivor which was in serious trauma. They even made their way to the table and sat beside me as if they were trying to confront me though I scurried pass them to teacher and asked about my then stucked essay. Despite all the trepidation and speculation on how bad was it going to be, it turned out not that bad at all. Yes, I did shiver quite a lot, my voice raised an octave and was quivering and my palms were sweaty and icy cold but I survived!!! Yes, I survived! Haha, I even went back with three extra essay titles and 2 piece of Joanne's essay. Not bad at all huh! Unbelievable!(unbelievable #5)

Ooh, there was the time we went to the form 5 class but didn't even stepped into the class at all. Speaking of this, guilt hits me again as I didn't really thought taking Pik san to the form 5 class would mean trouble. It was really a hard time for all parties--me, Pik san and the form 5s( at least Dong Quan and the girl if not all of them). Ahh, lets not talk about the bitter memories. Next, there were the times when we went there to enquire about english tuition stuffs which Pik san chickened out and left all the talking the work for me. It seems just yesterday when all of these happened. Ahh, how time flies..... I still remember being nagged by my dad about going there too often, the scoldings that I feared everytime I asked for permission yet luckily they never come and the queasy feeling that never fails to sting me everytime I reach the doorsteps of my BM tuition. How could I not say again that time really flies........

All these happened not long ago yet without me realising, it had come to an end. I used to not get enough of the form 5 classes and go there almost every week yet I would never have the chance to indulge in the fear and terror anymore(haha, self-torturing, I know). Did you keep count of how many 'unbelievable!'s were there? 5! See how bizarre my year was?! Haha, being a bit crazy now. Anyway, all in all, this isn't just any normal experience and I believe I shall have this in the deepest of my heart till the day I go X.x(that is if I don't have Alzheimer's or Parkinsons) that's why I'm trying to make this post a really, really lengthy one. Or maybe I'll bring it 6 feet underground! Haha.....

loving my life

Of friends, friendship and our moments

2009-12-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

Note: The processing of this post stretched over about two weeks. Please do not mind the time and date whatsoever.

:) :) :) Smile! You can't wipe the smile away from my face today. It's the best day of my life in this two months time. Feels like a poor birdie finally being let out of its small cramped cage to stretch its wings once again. It's the day when I can finally loosen my tense muscles, let out shrieks and scream without being thought of a maniac and smile like I've never known sorrow! It feels so good to leave the stress, homework and tuition behind and just enjoy life.

The chilly breeze itself was worth the bus and skyway fare. I felt like I was at Korea again! It sort of teleported me back there, like bringing up some dusty diaries or photo albums. I remember we had super tall ice-creams during a tour along some shopping malls there(at Korea, I mean), and we had ice-cream too today! Mmm...sweet in the mouth, sweet in the heart. Plus, I had my red riding hood jacket on and wrapped myself in my mum's white scarf. Mind you, the weather was kinda cold actually. It felt like I was in the ice section of some refrigerator, the same feeling I had when I first stepped out of the cozy Korea airport.

Okay, so how did it began? Shu teng-yes, Shu teng again- unceremoniously announced that she and her family was going to have a trip to Genting again some time back. I seriously don't understand why do her parents like Genting sooo much but the news of her going back to the same old place for the ....-I don't know, maybe 30th time?- wasn't shocking at all. It would actually be more of a shock if her year end holidays didn't include a trip to Genting. Really. Upon recieving the news, someone suggested that we plan a trip to go there too so there starts our planning for this Genting outing!

So obviously we are all under eighteen and we do need our parents' nods before doing anything or risk being slaughtered altogether, we all set for home with a task-- to ask for permission. I'm sure there were the pleads, the persuadings, the beady watery eyes and the "pleeaaasse"s but my parent weren't that easy this time. Being overly confident with the mindset of they-were-surely-gonna-let-me-go, I was in the blue. It took THREE days to persuade them actually. I guess I'll need to pick up some persuading skills, I never thought my parents were that hard-headed.

Anyway, I got my "yes". Yay. Ooh, Shu teng came over to stay for the night too as her mom didn't want to send her to the bus stop that early. We couldn't get the bus tickets yesterday night-I must say it closes quite early- so we called everyone and reminded them to be at the bus stop at 7.45 sharp. Mine you, we did put much emphasise on the "sharp" but somehow some people still managed to get lost at the other new wing bus stop and miss the bus. That put us one whole hour behind schedule and left most of us fuming-or I thought it did, did it?. So, we waited for them at the bus station while entertaining ourselves by playing Chor Tai Tee-yes, and Chor Tai Tee again- and exploring the shops there.

After strangling them a little, we head off to take our cable car to the peak of the mountain. It was a 45 minutes trip, not too long but enough to keep the anticipation soaring. Then, Shu teng lead us to the outdoor theme park, we bought our tickets and voila, the fun begins! Me being me, I'm very reluctant in pin-pointing out which ride we rode, which one was fun and which one not, which one first and which one next. So all in all, it was a very enjoyable trip. Loads of memories, many funny moments and a plethora of trilling experience to be remembered of.

I shall let out sigh now as I recall the times we had together and couldn't help but think of the future, our future. How will it be next year? With all the mind-boggling homework, burdensome tuition and an extremely important, fail-it-and-die exam coming up, will it still be the same? I certainly hope the kiasu-ness in everyone of us would not take control of our minds and-may god forbid-wreck our long built friendship. This shall not need us to make full use of our ultimate birthright-- the complete control of our mental faculties as what is mere marks compared to friendship? Though we may be somewhat blinded by all that shines and glitters once in a while, friendship never fails to outshine all other distracting elements, standing out in a crowd.

Dear friends, how would my life be without all of you? All of you are like the drug in my life -minus the negative effects though- keeping adrenalin gushing through my veins, making me dizzy and numb from sheer happiness, keeping me alive though how tough life could be. I always knew life was never going to be a smooth sailing journey, promising turbulent waves and occasional tsunamis. However, your presences -all of your presences- made it tolerable, not to say smooth as silk, but easier. What do I have to say? Thank you for all your presences, thank you. Come, let me give you all a bear hug XD....haha

So to all my dear friends out there, shall we step into a brand new year hand in hand? Not just for next year but every coming year, till death do us apart. Or for as long as we can live, if you prefer the Twilight version. :)

dear exam, I hate you

2009-11-12T00:13:00.000-08:00

How I wish I could let the bygones be bygones and let ignorance be bliss. Let sorrow be wiped off and let despair be forgotten. Let tears to never flow again and let dreams find their way through the thorns and prickles of life. Let me stretch my wings and fly blithely in the firmament like a carefree seagull. Without worries that will pull me back. Fly birdie, fly!

Exams, or rather my results were very depressing indeed. Seeing everyone else excel was even worst than stabbing myself in the abdomen. How I wish I could let them just pass and be focused on my future, instead of the devastating past. Let them just be a nightmare that I'll wake up from it anytime soon. It's like making a teeny weeny tear in my artery but without platelets to stop the bleeding, making me bleed slowly till death. In pain. Dying a long, painful death.

*sighs* So much tension, so much stress. Just let all our results be revealed no matter how devastating they are, name the top 10 and let this be over for good. It's not like I'm aiming for the top few places so someone please stop this throbbing pain. It's killing me. I know I have not gave it my best shot. I could have done better and I shall do better next time. That's what I always tell myself after fumbling in a subject. I always say next time but when will the "next time" really be?

I regret yet I forget as time passes. A sense of guilt never fails to gush in everytime stepping out of an exam. How I wish the "next time" is really the next time. However, of course, if I could have gone through an exam without guilt, I would have got the best marks for every subject. Greedy, I know I am. Who isn't? But one thing for sure is, I never put in utmost effort. I hoped for Lady Luck to be on my side but I forgot, she only help those who help themselves! I blame her for not helping me, but have I ever do my best? I deserve to fail.

let the bygones be bygones,

let ignorance be bliss.

只手遮天曾几时?万人有口终能说

2009-11-04T00:15:00.000-08:00

I've learnt something valueble from the last posts- blog while you still remember. I don't want this to end up like the last one(concluded abruptly due to my poor memory) so I'm blogging about this while it's still fresh in my mind!

Reality slaps you hard in the face once in a while till your nose bleeds, it's saddening yet it's true. Life isn't fair and square. The line between black and white isn't always clear, that's why we have grey! This post shall serve as a constant reminder to me of the ugly side of the world which I wish I didn't need to know.

Let me read this again in maybe.... five years from now and be punched and kicked by the devastating truth again. It may be painful, yet at least I realise and remember the devastating truth. Indeed, who am I to judge when I didn't even saw the damn book, or stack of notes as said by those people who saw, yet the truth is pretty obvious in this case.

I believe the truth has been revealed, at least to us if not to all. Yet never in my wildest thoughts that the storyline will have such an unpredictable twist. The question is: why should the truth the denied? Or was it tampered with. How can the words or one man trumps over the words of amore than ten witnesses. The witnesses obviously weren't corrupted with money or whatever but why were their confession be turned to a deaf ear? You wouldn't need sky-high IQ or even brains, common sense would do in this case.

I'm not the kind the people who would step my feet into this kind of issue at my will. I avoid it. I turn blind, mute and deaf every exam, paying utmost attention to the papers in front of me. I never want to get involved. I never asked for anything and I shall not give anything. I hold strongly to my principles. I know the happening of these cases yet I never bother. It had turned into something very normal -don't get the wrong message, I'm not and never will approve it- but what can I do when even my best friends are doing it?

I quote my mum "what kind of future generation are you moulding?" Indeed, this incident had indeed changed my perception on life or at least, I realised it is better to stay blind, deaf and mute than to spit out the bitter truth. I think I will be more reluctant in being truthful and rather stay out of the problem if I could in the future. But maybe I wouldn't. I shall still hold strongly to my principles. I shall still be truthful to both myself and others. At least I could still stand straight with my face up without fear. I live without guilt.

Gah, I really had the urge to post everything out at first but ended up rambling. Anyway, those who know shall know, while those who don't should be thankful that I bought you somemore time to stay innocent and blur. So say thank you :) teehee

xoxo,

minyien

goodbye exams, hello boredom

2009-11-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

I highly anticipated, pleaded and even begged the examinations to be over and it's over now for good. However, the boredom that comes flooding in as the stress takes a back seat is just as hard to bear. Ugh, we're even running out of conversation topics already.

I go to school everyday aimlessly, dreading the moment of truth. Bad results come returning like bomb that drop unexpectedly from the sky. It blast you into pieces. It crushes your frail figure. It breaks your fragile little soul.

I've started on Eclipse. I hope I can finish breaking dawn too before the holiday starts. I'm currently addicted to sketching human faces too, don't know why. I realised I've got an under-utilised set of sketching pencils and simply started drawing!

Anyway, I'm making a promise here that I'm gonna post at least 15 blogposts this month. I'm not banned on using the computer anymore so it's kind of a easy task, I think. But my highest record till now is only 8 so 15 is more of a target. So, yep, 15's the target!

I'm committed to this blog!

usaha yang berterusan penuh dengan semangat

kegigihan, kecekalan, ketekunan, dedikasi dan berdaya maju......

can't remember already :)

hehe

Is 6 o'clock in the morning late? nah, it's early

2009-10-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, so lets start from the latest one-- sleepover at Shu teng's house which is actually not so lately anymore. I know this post is seriously very, very late. Late by one whole month in fact but who cares. At least I posted. :)

Shu teng invited us(Huey nee, Chermaine, Zhi juin, Pik san, Yoke and me) to her little sister's birthday party last Saturday. It was actually her brother's birthday on that very day but he refused to invite friends as told by Shu teng, how weird. Anyway, thank goodness we didn't outnumbered her friends or it'll end up like the party held at my house last year.

So, I was late. I had Chemistry tuition and it was raining cats and dogs, like the sky was trying to engulf us. The wet war session was obviously canceled when the rain started pouring heavily but the barbecue was still on. It may be a good thing since Yoke and I were already freezing cold from the blasting air-con in the tuition room and the wind accompanied by the rain.

Chermaine's mom couldn't send her there, so she tumpang my car and we three ended up arriving late together :) But we set off straight away after tuition, so you can't blame me for that. Upon arriving, we got some warmth from the barbecue thing and went inside to join the others.

We were greeted with Pik san's: "Ooh, I never knew I was #1 in your heart!" and were all scratching our heads. Then someone said it was something from my blog and Shu teng showed it to me through her Ipod touch. It was the tag I did sometime ago and I put her name at the first place.

But..but..but..who judge things like this!!! Anyway, I think Pik san and Huey nee, the early birds scanned through every single word I post already. This was what I totally didn't predict, especially all of them reading it together. Poor baby, did they raped you? But I shall have no worries to grumble and ramble on anything now since they're not coming here anytime soon, I hope.

I realised how contradictory we, humans can be. We pour our thoughts out in this tiny little blog to ease our feelings, may it be fury, grief, joy, disappointment, anxiety, boredom or whatever it is. We clearly know people are gonna read it thus sometimes take this as a medium to confess things that are hard to say out in hope others will understand what's in your mind without you telling openly. However though how frankly we can speak out loud here, we still fret, shriek and feel uncomfortable when people read it in front of you.

Some time ago, Tommy used Mr. Pek's computer and opened Xian Qi's blog in Physics lab. Anything on the computer screen was projected to the white sheet as it was intended for teaching purpose. When she found out that everyone was setting eyes on her sort of diary, she freaked out straight away. A blog is in fact quite a private place where we are honest to ourselves and type from the bottom of our hearts, like a personal diary. We are actually exposing our diaries willingly in a way. Thus, our blogs can be not that honest sometimes especially when we know people are reading and rather more pleasing to the public's eyes.

Okay, I've been way off the track, that's why my essays always terkeluar. Back to the topic. So they continued their Chor Dai Tee game and we explored the guest room downstairs and her Ipod touch. Then, her dad came in to check if everyone's here already followed by her sister who tell us to go eat. But curiosity got the better of us and we ended up exploring her room first before filling our stomachs.

This isn't the first time I've been to her house and I've seen her room before so it wasn't something new. She showed us the origami shoes she made for everyone of us and I get to choose what colour I want from her stack of papers just because I said I like all colours-which is actually true-!!! It really depends on what the thing is and what suits it's image in my perception.

I saw she has got 3 pieces of these very, very nice origami papers with flower motives but those are not hers and of limited edition, so those are no-touchys. She didn't let me choose the gold and silver ones too coz they're also one of a kind. So, I ended up choosing a navy blue paper to be made into my navy blue shoes and to be paired with white ribbons. :)

Ooh, this post is turning to be a very, very, very lengthy one and I shall make it a very, very, very loooonnnngggg one. I want all teeny weeny details in. This is a very, very, very memorable event after all.

Okay, so back to the point. We went down to eat after criticizing how her bed shouldn't be put like this and expressing how creepy it is to wake up and see your reflection in the mirror, bla bla bla.... I tell you, the food was D-E-L-I-C-O-U-S!!! They had the normals, eg: fried bihun, chicken nugget, curry chicken, fried noodles etc. and they had the special ones like bacon fish and sate. Yummy!!!

Then, Huey nee and Pik san offered their help to barbecue. But I have to say sadly that their first attempt was a total failure. The sate sticks caught fire as the charcoal underneath was blazing. So the few sticks of sate ended up hangus and in the dustbin. Their second attempt was better-quite good, actually as the bacon fish they barbecued was very nice!

Ooh, I think I'm 1 kg heavier now with all the bacon fish I shoved uncontrollably into my throat. But who could self-control when it was simply soooo delicious!!! Ooh, can I have some more? Then, Pik san called herself the professional barbecue service while Huey nee was the assistant so Pik san was nicknamed BBQ. For the longer and detailed story on how Pik san got her nickname, go to Yoke's blog.

Chermaine and Zhi juin were already controlling and playing with the little kids inside but we(Huey nee, Yoke and I) refused to go in. They are small babies while we are grannies, we don't click! Plus, who knows we may break an arm or a leg in the process! So, we forced in some more food to buy us some time outside. They finished the chicken wings while I had the honour to gobble down the last bacon fish on the plate.

Later, we watched the kids played for a while, tried to control them but was to no avail, could not tolerate the deafening noise pollution and boredom and ended up sneaking into her guest room, our Chor Tai Tee arena. Her nearly bored to death brother joined us too in the second round. After a few rounds, we concluded that Chor Tai Tee was too slow-paced to curb our boredom and started Heart Attack, a way faster, exciting and adrenalin boosting game.

High pitched screams and shrills were blasting our eardrums every time anyone shouts 'heart attack!'. I swear we were a lot louder and crazier than the bunch of babies outside. I can see that we, this group of psycho actually find shouting and screaming our hearts out like no one's business fun. Besides, it's not everyday you can lose your mind and get wild like that.

After quite some time, we were called to go out as it's the cake cutting time! We kissed a tearful goodbye to our game and left reluctantly. I'm exaggerating, I know. We sang the usual birthday song for her. I'm not sure if we sang for her brother too as it was actually his birthday on that day, forgive my forgetfulness. Then we had our pictures taken, ate the cake and continued chi-chatting. It was about time to head back home so we pleaded Huey nee to tell her dad to not come so early. We thought the fun was gonna end and we had to go back to real life. Sad.

Then, Shu teng's mother presented us with the sweetest offer ever, the invited us to stay for the night. Ooh, we were allowed to sleep over!!! A heated discussion broke out instantly with all of us talking animatedly with much excitment. All of us called our parents to get our permit to stay and the first reaction I got from my mom was "Huuhhh? I want to sell you away already". Anyway, I got my permission after much nagging. My ever loving and caring parents even offer to send our stuffs all the way to Shu teng's house which was not quite near.

I think Yoke has the strictest parents among the few of us. She had to think of lies or rather fake excuses in order to not miss the fun. Huey nee and I found out that Shu teng had a trampolin and decided to try it out. It turned out not that fun as we weren't expecting it to be so hard. I thought trampolins were suppose to be bouncy but her one wasn't anything near that, maybe it wasn't big enough. So we sat on it instead and bid those kid goodbye.

Later, all of them went upstairs except for Yoke and I as I had to wait for my parents to deliver our stuff while Yoke was busy reading Shu meng's self-written story. She claimed it was very interesting. A sense of tranquil started flooding back once the children left and the peace and quiet was restored as we all started to calm down.

I started to feel a little boring from the waiting so I bugged Shu meng for some gummies. She even put on "ten promises to my dog" for me and I swore I wasn't going to cry over it again. I went upstair to check out what were they doing as they seemed quite noisy from downstairs and found out that they were fooling Andrew. Of course, I joined in! How could I miss the fun?!

OMG, why is this post sooo long. It seems impossible to finish and I'm getting sick of typing already. Ugh, can I stop? Nevermind, I'll make it short and sweet.

I finished the movie, got our stuffs from my parents and went upstairs. I had my bath, continue our Chor Tai Tee game, pranked Andrew again by calling him at about 2 in the morning then had a glass of milk as supper. Pik san was the earliest one who went to bed at 2am, followed by Yoke Mun, Huey nee and Shu teng at 4am. Chermaine, Zhi Juin and I continued chit-chatting on the big bed. Shu teng joined us later as she could not sleep too so we ended up gossiping away until 6 in the morning.

We woke up at about 11 in the morning, sort out ourselves and had breakfast. The worst thing that happened was that Pik san took a picture of me when I was still all groggy as a result of lack of sleep with my hair uncombed. I know I looked like a lion, hope that didn't scared everyone off. She better don't reveal that photo to anyone or I'll strangle her to death. Teehee :)

I know I'm very 虎头蛇尾. All my essays are like this in fact. A huge portion of appetizer, but only a small piece of steak as main course, like what they say. Tired.....

I dedicate my longest post to the most memorable day

check list

2009-09-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I ought to blog about some big things that happened lately. So here's the to-blog list.

frog dissection
a visit to the f5 class, again
sleepover at Shu teng's house

This being to be like a homework, like the list I made out on my clogged Naidu's and Mr. Kong's homework. But I've been getting some of them ticked and cancelled off nowadays. That means I'm cleaning up my clogged drainage!!! I'm doing my homework!!!

The worm turned into a cow!!!

Ouch, it hurts

2009-09-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

I never thought failure could be so painful. It really breaks your heart, let it bleed, drains all your blood out and leaves you soulless. It hurts so much that you writhe and moan in agony but no one's there to help. It hurts so much that you're not sure if you'll feel pain again. It hurts so much that you wish to just die.

I'm not a person who cry easily and it's not a good thing. Frustration, anger and despair all get stuck inside till I balloon up and burst at the end. So when you see me cry or lose my temper or being emo, leave me as I am. Let me treat my bleeding wounds before the bleeding worsens. Let me glue back my cracked heart before it breaks completely.

I have to say a very, very sorry to my mr. kong tuition pals for being forced to see the not-so-good side of me last Thursday. I know I kinda went crazy and I know it was kinda scary to see me go nuts so I'm saying thousand apologies here.

The disappointment and frustration of not being able to get even one isi is like a sword piercing through my teeny weeny heart. It hurts, a lot. But I would say you all were lucky I didn't went to the kitchen to get a knife and chop down all your heads. I was on the verge of losing my self-control then.

I felt like banging my head to the table, yet I'm scared it would cause too much havoc. I felt like strangling someone, yet I'm scared the person will get hurt or probably think I'm a maniac. I felt like crying, yet tears just refuse to get out. I felt like hurting myself, yet how am I to do it? So, I ended up killing the stack of waste paper lying in front of me.

Tearing them like no one's business wouldn't make them feel painful, wouldn't hurt anyone, wouldn't cause much havoc and it would make my hands hurt. All checked, so turned all the frustration and irritation burning inside to manpower and started my paper murdering spree.

An extra dose of sorry to Jeffrey. I'm sorry I squeesed your arm so tightly and knocked my head to your shoulder. It was either me hurting myself or hurting others and I'm sorry I opted to cause pain to you. You should thank the stack of paper lying innocently on the table though as you've seen how they ended up-- torn and in the dustbin.

Special thanks to Pik san too for picking up the paper I teared and comforting me. I know I scared you off that day. Sorry.

Failures are scary
X.x

X.x

2009-09-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

Can you name 30 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 30 people!

Pik san
Shu teng
Huey nee
Ai yin
davinaa
Hui yun
Chermaine
Zhi juin
Karyn
Yoke mun
Abi
Poh li
Xin wei
Sarah
Li ying
Kenzo
Elicia chin
Cindy lew
Bryan ang
wong munn kitt
Jeffrey teh
Shu li
Hillary khong
Eu jin
Su jane
Wei nee
Mei ling
Yevon
Hui yien
Hui liang

-THE BURNING QUESTIONS-
How did u meet 10? -Yoke mun- we both were in 2 teratai

What would you do if you had never meet 6? -davinaa- have one less non-chinese friend? I don't have many, you know

What should you do if 28 and 29 dated? -Yevon and Hui yien- erm....

If you could marry between 12 and 27 who will it be? -Poh li and Mei ling- erm.... better not. Chermaine will kill me and Pik san will kill who ever I choose. So all dies in the end :)

Did you ever like 9? -karyn- she's a cute girl. I like her

Have you ever seen 4 cry? -ai yin- never. Don't want too

Woud 24 and16 make a good couple? -Eu jin and Kenzo- Well, if they make a pair, they are a interesting pair indeed

Would 24 and 25 make a good couple? -Eu jin and Su jane- Well, we can try it out! XP

Describe 8 -Zhi juin- She can be a bit crazy at times yet is like a mouse when with unfamiliar ppl

Tell me something about 17. -Elicia chin- easy going?

Whats 7's fav colour? -Chermaine- If I'm not mistaken, she likes all colours

What would you do if 1 just confessed he/she likes you? -Pik san- I wouldn't be surprised. We were a couple anyway. Want a reconcile? haha

When was the last time you talked to 15? -Li ying- Erm... long, long time ago? she sits very far away, you know

How do you think 19 feels about you? -Bryan ang- Erm.... a tuition friend? or maybe a kiasu tuition friend :)

What language does 13 speak? -Xin wei- chinese, english and as a malaysian, malay

Who is 30 going out with? -hui liang- he's single n available!

Whats is 5's fav music? -davinaa- erm.....

Would you ever date 22? -cheah shu li- sorry, I'm taken! by chermaine

Is 11 single? -abi- yes, I think.

Whats is 14's last name? -sarah- kamal

Would you ever want to be in realtionship with 7? -chermaine- we're already in one

Where does 20 live? -wong munn kitt- where the legendary wong may ling stays

What do you think about 18? -cindy lew- cute?

What is the best thing about 23? -hillary khong- she's a nice girl, I think. If mr. kong were to answer this, he would most probably says: the key to my winning of lottery. haha

What would you like to tell 30 right now? -hui liang- nothing

How did you meet 21? -jeffrey teh- through mr. kong tuition. I was new there and he sat quite near to me, I think.

What is the best and worst thing about 2? -shu teng- she's an intelligent, nice girl, yet she can be quite annoying at times. Don't be offended yah, it's my hak bersuara.

Are you going to know 3 forever? -huey nee- BFF!!!

How long have you known 26? -wei nee- since form 1

*I tagged those people who have blogs in the 30 names.*

when you know when you're gonna die and how

2009-08-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

Our drainage system gets clogged when there are too much of rubbish inside, my brain gets clogged when I have too much undone homework.

I seriously think that I'm the worst student on earth. I've got an untouched set of Chemistry paper, an essay about Micheal Jackson, an essay about his Earth song, an essay about time, an essay about irritating ppls, an essay about how you helped someone and another one about you not helping the person, a creative essay about no one getting sick or old, an essay with it's first sentence given, a krg about robots, loads and loads of chinese journal entry, a endless amount of krgs to write and the list goes on.....

*sighs* I'm in big, big trouble now. And my krg was just tendang balik. It's not the first time already ah! The first few times was because what I wrote was not logical. "Stunningly wrong and no common sense" That was what he said.

Then when I took it back, made some corrections and handed it up again through my bro, it got stucked again! Argh! What's wrong with me? Why can't I get anything right these days? I'm in serious dilemma.

I've lost my mind when I had the krg back with "kekalutan" underlined and the rest unmarked. Simply went crazy that I even said "okay" to going to the f5 class! I've just cursed them like no one's business in the last post and I'm going to their class tomorrow?! Makes no sense, right? It's like digging my own grave.

Have a look at our conversation through sms:

me: Mr. kong, min yien here. Do u hv any baby class 2moro? Can I go?
mr. kong: Why?
mr. kong: not appropriate becos most students may not like strangers in their class and their mum may call me after class for that.
me: But wat about my krg?
mr. kong: u can come to the f5 class and they r around ur age and won't mind since u r all ok with each other
me: I dun want 2 go 2 f5 class. They r so scary.
mr. kong: u can come for -- to -- tomorrow and u can trade krg directly with Phebe and is better. They like u now. A few students in baby class scared of strangers and their mum may call me for that.
mr. kong: -- to-- is ok. I'm 100% sure they will like u becos they told me that they want to talk to u. But after --pm I leave that house.
mr. kong: Marcus and Joanne and Phebe say that they want to discuss with u
me: Considering. But scared. Maybe will bring my bro.
mr. kong: Ok also. They r battling among themselves and not with u
mr. kong: They will treat u as VIP tommorow.
me: My dad cant send me. Asked my transporter but haven got reply.
me: Actually, was my krg stucked or not logical again?
mr. kong: just stuck
me: k. I'm coming 2moro with my bro

See what I mean when I say digging my own grave? Ooh, I don't like it when they he says they want to dicuss with me and they'll treat me like VIP. I think I'll really get it this time. Should have been very clear that going to f5 class is like committing suicide after that incident last time. Think Mr. kong is annoyed by me. I keep sms-ing him. Anyway, he likes to talk, maybe he likes to sms too.

Haha,I've just had a very funny conversation with Kenzo at facebook chat. Strategising our way to get their krg the easy way.

"me: bury me if I die there, k?
kenzo: I'll wish u 2 be alive to d water lily
me:thx, but I think the petal will drop off
kenzo: hahah"

haha. It's an inside joke.

Hope I'll be alive for Chem tuition tomorrow

X.x

bloody f5's

2009-08-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

I've seriously had enough of those evil, cruel, kiasu form 5s. They simply weren't sincere since the very first day we started trading. All they do is get things from us but they never plan to give anything back. Always putting up a false fronts! Hmph!

The scene where they ransacked our stuffs that kept us in shock and anger-shock more though- is still vividly playing in my mind. I remember all I could do was stand rooted to the floor and see them checking through our stuffs helplessly. Our complains, pleas and pleads were never listened.

If eyesights could kill, I'm be very sure we would be 6 feet underground by now. Or maybe there would even be no complete body to be buried! Joanne tan's eyesight definitely killed me on that very night as I went back home with only part of my soul, the other half was murdered and left rotting at Mr. Kong's house.

I remember all I could feel was numbness rushing through my veins as their intimidating looks pierced through our souls.I was too shocked to even cry! My hands were cold as ice and my brain was blank. I went home and could only relieve my feelings by attempting to write karangans. But my mind was blank and I couldn't get anything out!

So, I tried reading the precious essays we found from the rubbish bin couch but nothing went in either. My mother thought I had gone crazy! Thinking back, I think I had really gone nuts too that night. Luckily I didn't went chopping other people's heads down to ease my feelings. Should have claimed for medical insurance for that incident.

"nevermind lah, Phebe" Those words keep ringing in my ears. That was what the evil girl said before leaving with that killing looks. I still feel a chill down my spine everytime thinking back those words and those eyesights. It still gives me nightmares.

Well, there was this Chin tzer shyang who seemed to us as a better guy but he turned out to be just about the same. He's a little better though, I think. He gives the same essay repeatedly sometimes, don't know was it accidentle or by purpose. And there was this guy named Marcus ong who we thought would be very, very tall and big turned out to be not so gigantic and monsterous, actually. Anyway we found out lately that he was also a evil guy.

So in conclusion, there are NO humane people in the form 5 class.

The so-called rubbish couch has been there since...I-dunno-how-long, yet they never bother to go through it. We take the initiative to sort out the pile of paper and then we're taken advantage of. Hate them. Hate hate hate hate HATE them!

And then now they're bullying us AGAIN! Gah, hate to explain. Anyway, I still hate them.

May the evil f5's all fail their SPMs

If only I was more deadly

2009-08-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

After much anticipation, I finally saw Shuteng's Jap PBSM student exchange homestay partner and the whole lot of them! Her name's Yukiko! Cute, isn't it! Ooh, I was simply thrilled and excited but very unfortunately things turned a little sour.

She was both sick and homesick! poor girl. And therefore, kinda quiet and moody. Her friends were okay though. At least they were more cheerful.

We had a plan change since she was sick. Didn't went up to Genting after all. We went to Sunway Pyramid to met her other Jap friends. Brought 2 large packs of gummies and just couldn't help but keep shoving them into my throat as we walked in the huge building.

Slept a little on the way back Shuteng's house. We all were kinda tired. Ooh, and I finally had a taste of freedom when she permitted me to use her computer. Couldn't even remember how long had I been banned from the comp already. It's very, very nice getting online again.

But then, once again I was tired and went to had a nap on her couch, leaving the comp to her sis who is kinda cute actually. Ooh, and I get to skip Physics tuition as I went home with a mild fever and flu. I get to skip school too!

But it felt like I was slapped hard on the face when I finally realise I have to go to the damn school and check how bad had I failed my exams. I tell you, my results this time was really, really, really BAD. *sighs* I think I'll have to plan my dropping to Teratai next year.

Actually, that idea's not bad at all! I simply like the carefree atmosphere over there. Matahari has some sort of force squeesing me till I can hardly breathe. I think even the air pressure here is higher.

Plus, I wouldn't need to face Piksan! We would never want to kill each other. We know who's our common enemy and we know how to kill. It would be a LOT easier though if Weinee decides to come up. She can easily settle our problem. Haha! Beware!

Oh, I think I've gone a little crazy from all the stress in Matahari. Better go compose myself. Toodles!

Teratai, I'm coming!

I gave happiness but who's to give me my money?

2009-07-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

Ooh, I've lost touch with the internet for quite some time. Finally blogging again. Yay! and I have tonnes of things to say. Warning for long post ahead.

Okay, lets start with the birthday babies of July since they really is a LARGE bunch of them so I am now typically broke. Please give me some time to sort out if I owe you money, kay?

First of all, Happy B'day to CHERMAINE !!!

This June baby's birthday's on the 16th of June. To be honest, she's the prime factor I've pokkai-ed. We did spend lots on her just because of one statement- I want lots of presents, not one expensive one- which she unceremoniously announced and it did created lots of havoc, mostly money matters.

Shu teng and I went hunting for her present in prepare to share the cost with 5 people, not 3! Still, it's still bearable though I seriously have to cut cost on her present for next year. So since only Huey nee, Shu teng and I are sharing the present and the others have not bought her present yet, I suggested we buy her a cake and give her a surprise party.

Plus, it couldn't be better when we could have it during Pandu puteri meeting since we know all the leaders. Yet, I never could have imagined that the b'day girl actually prefered presents over it! The plan was obviously over when Poh li went asking on her opinions but I still can't believe a person can want material presents more than a b'day surprise!

It's totally what I want at least for once in my high school life! Yes, I've been showered with presents with some I really like but what is it compared to a b'day celebration organized by your dear friends? You can really feel the warmth, the care and the bond that is something money can never buy!

Plus, presents can easily back fire if you've bought something the person doesn't like! Anyway, she's my bestest bestest friend( I know my english suck) and I'm okay with it as long as she's happy. Happy happy b'day to her again.

Next in line is*drumrolldrumroll* YOKE MUN!!!!

Ooh, her b'day surprises are always a failure. We've reduced the possibility of information leakage till the least this year by planning it only a day before it, yet it still leaked. It was so hard not letting her know since there were lots and lots of problems that pop out all in a sudden that we had to do immediate plan change.

First, the prefects were having some damn meeting on recess, then we couldn't make it before she went home so it ended up after school at her house. Huey nee and I had accounts tuition-which we ended up going there late by half an hour-shortly after school that day so we knew we had to rush.

Plus, she had to pass her school bag to her mother and get her tuition bag, so it was a havoc again. We walked fast pace to Pik San's house-which turned out not so near to school- in a rush, left the keys to the tuition place which is my ex-house to her mom, pleaded her mom to send our bags there too, made to wait for her for about 5 minute since she was bathing and was greeted by a hot tempered octopus head-her hair did look like that when it's wet- with some grumblings and scolding, and it finally turn out she didn't want to go.

So we left without her back to school to meet Shu teng and then to Yoke mun's house. We met Mei ling, Karyn and Abi half way,then Mei ling said she had to leave. Sad thing. See what I mean when I said it had lots of problems? And so we went without Mei ling. We lit the candle outside Yoke's house and the damn wind was blowing so hard that we couldn't got it lit.

Luckily it stopped shortly after and the damn candle did lit after all. We pressed her bell, waited for her to come out then started singing Happy Birthday yet she wasn't surprised. Infos went out from many persons and I'm sorry to say I was one of them. Anyway, we got her to put on the dress we bought for her and the one she bought for their prefect's dinner but I'm a little sad she didn't like it very much.

Well as I told you, presents can get wrong easily. I'm happy she like the necklace though, I likes it too, it's simply sophisticated.

Last of all is Mr. Kong!!

We didn't know when was his b'day till I saw his sms this Wed. It was from maxis wishing happy b'day so the topic started due to my accidental privacy invasion. Well, it never crossed my mind to give him a surprise but a paper was passed around without his knowledge(he's usually busy talking) and only when it reached my place that I realised that Choey yee and Elicia was planning one!

Our class is on Weds and Thurs and we got the info on Wed, so it had to be on thursday. So on thursday, we all came a little early to get things ready. But the clock was ticking its was to 4 o'clock and yet the cake wasn't there yet! Pik san and I got a little desperate and had a naughty thought to lock him in.

It was totally impossible since the sliding door can only be locked and opened from inside. Yet I dunno what went pass our heads when I went inside to lock it and squeezed out from the other side. We thought he could not have get out since he can't really fit through the tiny gap yet we all forgot that he could have simply unlocked it from the inside! And we giggled a LOT so it probably gave him some hint already. Stupid idea.

And so he still came out when it was time and we could just pretend nothing's happening when we were all anxious when was the cake gonna arrive! I tried pleading to see his cute pomeranian pic for a while which was futile. Shortly later, Choey yee came in, whispered something to Su jane, left for the toilet with Su jane following and coming out again.

Bryan, Elicia and maybe some others came in with a cake in their hands and we started singing Happy B'day! Well, he didn't looked as surprised as we wanted him to be but I hope he was delighted. Was he? Anyway, the cake was yucks. It was too sweet, too dry and the chocolate topping was hard! Well, it was a last minute's decision so it's good enough we succeeded in giving him a surprise.

By the way, his b'day is today, 19th of July(don't mind if it's different from the heading's date coz it's always wrong). Happy Birthday!

when skies are blue outside yet grey inside

2009-07-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

Ooh, there's something wrong with the date and time-of-post. My last one should be on Saturday morning but it ended up on Friday. Think the laptop's goin crazy.

Ooh, and I'm getting addicted to blogging these days. This is my second post of the day yet I'm still not getting enough of it. I'm proud to announce that my highest record is three!

Ever hate Saturday's which are boring yet you feel guilty for having your hands on the laptop -a thing you crave for everyday- and having tons of homework waiting for you to set your hands and crack your brains on but not having the mood to do it? Well, that's what I'm undergoing now.

I'm feeling lazy today. Not just today, it has been almost the whole month I've been like this. I feel guilty yet too lazy to move.

*sighs* help me find the fire in my life. Hate living like this.

just kill me when I turn into a worm

be weak and be gone

2009-07-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

THE FOX

Shy and timid, cute and quiet,

may it be the appearance of a fox at hunt;

smiles and giggles, blushes and nods;

may it look like a defenceless child;

though in the midst of innocence and naivety,

may it be crouching, ready to pound,

loving every bit of the calamity imminent;

the blood, the tears, the screams, the chaos,

may it be already at cloud nine;

lambs, RUN! FAST!

may there be no chances, no tomorrow!

wait no more, think no more,

hesitate and be perished.

I know it sucks.I didn't even know I was writing. Doesn't even sound like a poem to me.

Well, I have to say it was written out of fury, with anger burning in me. I know it's a little exaggerating but I think it describes the people I have in mind just as they are.

Their smile is never a smile, their comments are never sincere, their action have a reason, what they say is never what they think. You never realise who are fake, who are true till you fall and that sucks.

A fox is living in most mataharians. A fox with a lamb's skin, ready to attack, ready to strike. Be strong and tough to survive.

when skies are grey

2009-07-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

*sighs* I didn't made it as one of the speakers in the debate next Monday. Ugh, I'm disappointed of myself, it feels bad seeing your chance fly away just because you didn't give it your best shot. I regret not taking it seriously. I'm getting sick of always being the one behind events. Maybe I was too eager to have it, too eager till it left a part of me broken, shattered.

Well, you can't deny that life isn't long ,and high-school life is a big chip of it, an important chip that bring memories when you're 80 and still can put a smile on your face by then. I'm definitely not gonna waste it just like that. I know this was all my fault. We had a sort of audition in the morning and I was damn sleepy. But you couldn't blame it on me! It was rainy, the breeze was cool enough, yet not too chilly, and we were having our free period, so I was all groggy and sluggish. Plus, we had a report to be hand up after recess and Pik San was bugging me, asking something I couldn't remember! And so, I spoke two sentences about the point and went back to my report. Come on, I had more important matters in mind-which turned not so- and I wasn't even awake! Anyway, it's still my fault. I'm not pushing it anywhere.

When the....erm..well..sort of disaster came, I was like: wth, I'm not in ?! How could you?! What a bad team player I am, right? Well, that was what came to my mind first. I'm being honest here. I was given the task to do some research on the points and I couldn't stand it but to object. I know I was kinda rude, emotional and hard to deal with but it felt like I was hit in the face, hard too. What can I say, I'm sorry. And of course I couldn't plead my group leader for a place, she wants her's, so do the others. Hate Thursdays.

Why are thursdays always grey?

T.T

Oops

2009-06-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

Oops, wrong info.

Malam bakat's on the friday after next.
CHEER's on next Sunday.

I think I must be really exhausted to have gotten it wrong.

sorry again :)

:)

2009-06-27T00:40:00.000-07:00

Fine, I wasn't done yet. I'm kinda chatty these days, so bear with me.

So I have a couple of activities the coming week that I was quite worried my mom would say no to, especially after I've screwed up my mid year examinations. But she said YES! She said yes to shopping after report card day, yes to malam bakat, and even to CHEER 09! That seriously turned out better than I thought!

I predicted her turning down the shopping trip and CHEER since she strongly objected me going to 1U after school and my bro wasn't allowed to go to CHEER for PMR is months to go. I really feel sad for him but yay for me! Now that I get to go, I'm feeling a little guilty for always going everywhere.

So report card day is next Friday. We're leaving after HN's dad come to get her report card. Hope my mom won't be too angry nor dissappointed with my results. I really thought I did screwed up this time but it didn't turned out so bad. I was expecting worst, but it seems like everyone screwed it up with me! Though one fact for sure is I'm finding a Chemistry tuition. I asked my mom, she said her chemistry was also a mess, so the bad-in-chemistry gene is proven in my blood. Now I'm definitely finding a tuition to bring me up from the death in chemistry.

Malam bakat's on next saturday. I'm looking forward to it, especially when my bro's performing! Well, I always knew he could dance, haha! He's just not those geeky, bookwormy kind of guy. It would be more surprising to see him reading a book than dance. And, it's finally Malam bakat again, hope it would be double the fun and double the surprise!

And, CHEER's on the Sunday after next, no, actually Saturday and Sunday. But I've got my dad to send me and a couple of friends there, so no fuss. Plus, I've been there every year since form one and I've learned to be clever not to waste my time going there on both days. Anyway, nothing's that special to talk much about it.

So I think this is the very very end of my ramblings today. I'm getting a little tired*yawns*.

loving my life

2009-06-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

Ooh, my parents are watching Sex and The City opposite me, definitely not what I expect them to watch(at all). They're at the part where the chinese little girl, looking very confused answers the phone with the word- sex. Haha, that part was funny, cute girl. Ooh ooh, every once in a I hear oohs and ahhs and giggles. I definitely can imagine what's playing on the screen*wink*! Anyway, it's a old movie, doesn't attract me.

Oh yeah, I saw some cute golden retriever pups in the newspaper today. It reminds me I still have my Marley n Me to catch up. I heard it's a sad movie, but I want to see the cute dog! I don't understand why must dogs always die at the end of the show, why can't they make it a happy ever after scene where everyones good and fit. I simply bad in controlling my emotions and I have a soft spot for animals, especially dogs. So I tend to cry all away, like I did on 10 promises to my dog. Plus, it's so embarassing crying in front of others, so I tried to hold it back for a while, which made me a little warm so it's a plus in the freezing cold cinema. But when tears start rolling down your cheeks, you'll feel so empty inside and the chill starts filling in so I was shivering the rest of the movie. Maybe that's a plus too! Making me too cold to cry anymore.

Oh, and I finally finished Twilight yesterday night(high quality medicine on a moody day). And, what do I have to say? It's been setting girls crazy all around the world. Well, it's nice, but the attentions all on Robert Pattinson(is that the right name?). It's not fair when the book is as nice, no, better. Seriously, is he that hot? I find him a little weird than handsome, though very appropriate in portraying a vampire. I'm definitely gonna finish the 2nd book before sequel- New Moon comes to the big screen in November, I think.

Okay, I think I'm finished rambling

so long, bye!

daadeedaadeedoo!

2009-06-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, she may be a spoilt brat, she may be hot tempered, she may be hard headed, she may be a pain in the butt, she may be very insulting in times, she may be selfish, she may be putting up a false front sometimes and fake, but she's still my friend. And I love her(as a friend, of course).

I'm glad she's back to her normal self. I'm glad we're back together(ewww).

muacks n kisses,

"it's her problem, not mine"

2009-06-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Ooh, I sooo regret saying that, coz what I got in return was a cold shoulder. It's not me who have a problem, I think. But it feels really, really bad being treated like thin air for the whole day. I feel like I'm gonna break down any minute. The pain is excruciating, it's torturing me to death. Besides, what's egoness compared to friendship?

X.x

Don't get yourselves wrong. I'm not saying I'm regreting on what I did, I'm still standing strongly for it. Though I hate being treated like that. I don't get what's the problem?! Though I know we don't see eye to eye on some issues, I don't think that would cause this kind of massive disaster.

Ooh, I bet it'll be an awkward moment when I have to deliver my speech on friendship when I'm losing one any minute.

Ugh, I hate my life. Sad Friday.....

Ooh, ooh!

2009-06-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to blogshops! Oh, where do they find such cute clothes (I'm usually more after the cuties rather then the hotties).

I LOVE CLOTHES !!

Ooh, my heart skips a beat everytime I see a nice pair of shorts, a cute dress or a unique blouse. They melt my heart. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!

Ooh, I've linked some. Go have a look n maybe you'll be as crazy as me about clothes after that. Go at your own risk ;-P

p/s: I'm shopping for presents tomorrow!

So, what's next?

2009-06-13T01:25:00.000-07:00

*sighs* busy, busy holiday. Probably my busiest one ever. Vacation, wedding(obviously not mine), camps, preparation work n tuition all cramped in.

So here's my schedule:

30/5(sat)- uncle's pre-wedding dinner
31/5(sun)- wedding day, helping hands out(long n tideous, lazy to elaborate)
1/6(mon)- one day off, cut camp booklet paper(totally last minute work)
2/6(tues)- camp preparation work, dance away!
3/6(wed)- off to Krabi, Thai!
6/6(sat)- back, both rejuvenated n worned out
7/6(sun)- camp preparation work, again
8/6(mon)- 2 day Chinese club camp! almost killed me X.x
10/6(wed)- loads of tuition waiting for me
11/6(thurs)- day off :D
12/6(fri)- browsed through lots of online shops. LOVE the clothes!
13/6(sat)- went through blogs. realised lots of friends are starting to blog!
14/6(sun)- rest day. back to school, boohooo :(

Brought up from the death --__--

2009-06-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's kinda dead here isn't it? So am I.

I miss blogging.

hydrolytic enzyme? huh?

2009-02-15T00:08:00.000-08:00

Wow, I really can't understand how other's blog are constantly updated but mine......dead(almost, at least until I posted this). Honestly, they seem like they have 48 hours a day to continue blogging(especially d F4s, which I can't figure out how).

Homework, tuitions, tuition homework, revision is already more(much, much more)than enough for me to cope with. It actually took me quite a lot of lazy-ness and courage(yes, i need courage to be lazy) to actually leave my mountain-high whole pile of stuffs to do to type this out. Ugh, I HATE form 4!!!

Just came back from Poh Li's sweet sixteen b'day party, have to go swimming tomorrow, how can I find time to study? Oh, I think I'm gonna FAIL my 1st assessment.

Ugh, I want to sleep... toodles..bb
Happy sweet sixteen, Poh Li

Ugh.. my HAND!!!

2009-01-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Happy, happy chinese new year to all

oink! oink!

2008-12-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, where to start?

Oh yeah, "21/11 (Fri)- Nee, ST, Linnette, Ai yin & Hui yun came to do San's T-shirt" right?

So yeah, they came to rescue me out from boredom. And yeah, only five of them(I can't believe that I called ten and only five could turn up. *sighs* You have no idea how many phone calls I've made to make this work out) Anyway, I'm pretty sure they'll regret. Haha

So, they came at about 10am(which is quite early for me), showed them d plain white t-shirt that was to be drawn, boasted my clown tee shirt a bit(I did it myself weih, pretty proud of myself >___<) and so we started.

After a few drafts, we decided to make her a piggy shirt. Yes, bcoz of d Pik. It was a fat pig with a bean size eye and a big nose. It started off being a fat piggy with wings surrounded by strawberries, very cute, very sweet, just a little plain. Then, we started getting naughthy and drawed d piggy a fringe, rectangular shaped spectacles, a smile and a ponytail and thus it ended up still being a pig but a weird one(really weird, actually).

Then, we had homemade pizza and spaghetti for lunch. ST left before lunch time, it's her lost, she didn't get to taste the pizza I made. XD We finished the back part of the tee and for the final touches, we drawed a "P" on the piggy's bum because Nee said pig owners will usually stamp their name on the animal to claim ownership(yeah, so it's Pik San's pig!) and wrote our names and "2008" down.

The tee is still with me till now eventhough her b'day has long passed. I so can't wait to see her face when she sees the piggy tee, really hope she'll like it.

I'm pretty sure she will not read this page, so I'm free babbling here. Haha.

Finally I can breathe

2008-12-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

Yay, I'm back! It's gloomy and drizzling here but I'm super happy!

Oh, 0h I have sooo many stuff to blog about. But that can wait till tomorrow anyway.

lazy me

Oh yeah, granny's b'day dinner was yesterday. I kinda feel bad for her actually.

Wanna know why? I'll tell you later.

too busy to breathe

2008-12-07T14:44:00.000-08:00

Oh, oh, I can't believe I have sooo many things to blog about. So, it's been kinda long since my last post(quite a busy week) so I've came back with lotsa lotsa things to tell. XD

Okay, this is the draft of what I've been doing this 2 weeks. Details comin' up soon.

21/11 (Fri)- Nee, ST, Linnette, Ai yin & Hui yun came to do San's T-shirt
25/11 (Tues)- spent a night at Le Meridien Hotel
26/11 (Wed)- nearly bore myself to dead at dad's office
28/11 (Fri)- went to shop & watch Twilight with a dozen of friends
29/11 (Sat)- spent the weekends at Sungkai Klah hot spring & Ipoh
1/12 (Mon)- oil painting classes for 4 continueos days
5/12 (Fri)- relative's wedding dinner part 1 (girl's side)
6/12 (Sat)- went shopping with mom for dress & matching shoes for Sunday's dinner
7/12 (Sun)- relative's wedding dinner part 2 (guy's side)
8/12 (Mon)- off to Bali

******************************

longing...

2008-11-25T18:19:00.000-08:00

Longing, I hate the word longing. It seems forever to get those stuffs that I'm longing to get, so out of my reach. I crave them, I'm hungry for them(okay, that's a bit exaggerating). But still, the point is I WANT THEM!

# 1 super light and small digital camera

Ever wonder why I've never posted photos? That's bcoz my father bought this heavy fat black camera when he changed his camera to digital and is still using that big black heavy box(that's what I call it) till now.Even adding more lenses to his collection. Yes, it captures nicer photos, but come on, who wants to hang a big box around their necks everytime going to a party or something. Ugh, I've lost count of how long I've been pleading my mom for a NORMAL digital cam, and all she says is" girl, expensive lah". Frankly, I've given up on this one.

#2 a pair of kitten heels

I went shopping with my mom last Sun after her facial appointment for about one and a half hour (which is definitely not enough). And, I've spotted, no, actually my mom spotted this gorgeous pair of heels at Elle. I tell you, they are definitely to die for. Well, it's golden in colour with three straps criss-crossing on top of the toes forming a X. My mom tried it on, liked it, but she said she already have golden shoes(which is true), then she ushered me to try it on. I slipped my feet in and guess what, THE PERFECT SIZE! But, *sighs* the heels are too high, I'm afraid I'll humilliate myself in public if I were to walk in them. The price? It's about 60 bucks after discount, which I find kinda expensive especially it's the price AFTER discount(but my mom says it's okay, so it's okay, I guess) So, should I buy it? or forget about it and find another pair? or wait till I buy my CNY clothes and check if the colour is matching(which I think will be sold out by then)?*sighs*

#3 new blogskin

Oh, I'm sick of this pinky blogskin. I've been using this since the very first day I started this blog. So, I've browse through websites offering free blogskins and even found the perfect one. But but, my dad doesn't let me download them! He says"don't always download stuff from the net, you don't know if it's safe", come on, not EVERY downloadables are meant to trick us to download virus or stuffs like that. I've gave up on this one as well, I'll just use the ones that they provide.

#4 a handbag

It has to be small enough to not take up a lot of place, but big enough to fit my purse(which is kinda fat) and if possible, a bottle. I don't have much to say about this, no specifications.

#5 a new purse

My old purse from China is already 2 year old already, it may not be old for some but you know what they say about China products. A few rips and tears, it's time to have a new one!

breaking news

2008-11-23T21:25:00.000-08:00

Oh,oh, how could I forgot to blog about this. It may be not THAT breaking since it has already been out weeks ago. Not that shocking either, coz it's sort of obvious if you look clearly. But, knowing my blurness especially in those gossips, I was shocked enough to hear that........

WEN YEW likes MEI LING!!!

Well, on the 12nd of November, which is also the last day of school in this year for us form 3's, about 12 :30, Huey Nee, Mei Ling, Wen Yew, Eu Jin, Arnold & I were playing black jack at bilik muzik. Losers will have to do truth or dare. Mei ling lost many times but cleverly avoided answering the same question we attempted several times to ask her (who does she likes?), huey nee and I lost a few times too, bla, bla, bla.

And now, to the point, there was this one time where Wen Yew lost and he chose to do truth. And, the question was who does he has feelings for(the normal question). As usual, he thought for a while just like everyone of us when shot by such a question. But, the thing is, he wasn't thinking who does he likes, he was thinking WHICH ONE TO TELL!! Then, he *drumroll* blurted out '12 o'clock'.

12 0'clock? What 12 o'clock? Then I suddenly figured out he's saying that the girl is sitting at his opposite! But then, both Mei Ling and Huey Nee was there with Mei Ling on the left and Huey Nee right. I asked, 'which one?' And he replied 'OF COURSE MEI LING LAH'. Wow, that was news to me.

Though, year ends aren't good times to start a relationship. Hope they will be our class's new pair of couple next year. But before that, I'll find out who are the others and banish them for Mei Ling. :D

just another tag

2008-11-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay, Amanda. Sorry again because I'll have to break a rule:) I'm NOT tagging anybody(Almost none of my close friends blog so I'm not sure does anybody rlly come to read)So, here it goes again.....

Rules & Regulations:
-do not copy answers
-the tag questions must be 100% the same
-tag people after doing tag
-no tagging back

randomly picked persons:

xin wei
eu jin
huey nee
maryam
andrew
wen yew
benedict
shuteng
sheng hao

How u noe 1?
(xin wei) in school, I sat beside her in form 1

wat would u do if u nvr meet 2?
(eu jin) less gossips?

wat would u do if 3&4 dated u?
(huey nee & maryam) huh?

would 5&6 make a gud couple?
(andrew & wen yew) no idea. both are available though

do u think 7 is attractive?
(benedict) uh-hum, uh-hum *coughs*

Do u noe anything about 8’s family?
(shu teng) mother bakes good cakes, brother interested in IT stuff & has a father which I've met once but didn't had a glimpse his looks.

Tell me sumthing about 9
(sheng hao) su jane is his girlfriend?

wat is 1’s fav past time?
(xin wei) when she's drawing?

wat language does 2 speaks?
(eu jin) english, chinese, malay......

who is 3 going out with?
(huey nee) dunno wor, but she says she has a good impression towards Royston. Royston, get the hint?

how old is 4?
(maryam) 15

when was the last time u talked to 5?
(andrew) long long ago

who is 6 fav singer?
(wen yew) dunno

would u date 7?
(benedict) NOoo!

is 8 single?
(shu teng) yep, single and very available

9 last name?
(sheng hao) koo? or sheng hao? I'm very confused with the first name and last name thingy

would u consider being in a relationship with 1?
(xin wei) I'm not a lesbian

which school does 2 go to?
(eu jin) SMK BUD (4) duh

wat do u like about 3?
( huey nee) she's bubbly, cute, talkative, a good shopping mate....

On a boring Saturday nite

2008-11-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

funny little tag :D Here it goes......

How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your blog).
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___.
Loves;
-Your name-

P/S: You are so lifeless, ___13___, -The name of the person that tagged you-.

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favorite activities when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks - Ugly pig
Foosball - Silly duck
Shopping - French kisser
Dulging for food - Cranky banana
Movies - Smelly armpits
Snacks - Horny wolf
Snooker - Tiny nipples
Bowling - Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities - Vain pot
Having a long talk - Nose plucker
Taking pictures - Dumb bitch
Other - Burn yourself

Dear Rachel,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds in your camping car and I saw you sit on my penpal in Ghana. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that Santa doesn't exists. I'm returning your memories from the military service to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about Oprah Winfrey imitations go burn.

Loves;
-minyien-

P/S: You are so lifeless, french kisser, Rachel.

Hahaha:D

I like to move it move it

2008-11-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

No, I've NOT watched Madagascar 2 though I've just ate the McD Move it Meal. Double chicken burger? checked. Green coloured drink? checked. Mcshaker fries? checked. And, I got myself an extra Mcflurry Milo as dessert.

Trust me, it's NOT everyday I get to eat fast food. Just that I'm lucky enough today to have my parents at my mum's company's annual dinner and my grandma at my uncle's place. The burger's rather like the normal McChicken, only that I needed to open my mouth bigger to gobble it down. The drink tasted like Sprites, and more of lime than pineapple which was stated in the ad. I LOVE THE MCSHAKER FRIES! It tasted a bit like bbq flavour and I love it! Though it did turn a bit soggy after a while. I LOVE THE MCFLURRY MILO TOO! It's something new, fresh to me rather than the normal Oreo flavour that I'm getting to get sick of.

I think I'm starting to like Mcdonalds! parapapapa I'm lovin' it

happy HAPPY b'day!

2008-11-08T20:04:00.000-08:00

* sings happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Xin Wei, happy birthday to...* * drumrolls drumrolls drumrolls* * you*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, XIN WEI

busy busy holiday

2008-11-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

One more schooling day till school ends!(I'm going on Wed but ponteng Tues) Omigod, so fast? It's BAD. Non-schooling days can be so boring, it kills me, it turns me into a....into a big fatty lazy worm. Yes, big fatty lazy worm.

I HAVE to come up SOMETHING to do. So, I've started reading!

Read: Memoir's of a geisha by Arthur Golden (it's rather okay)
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger (nice storyline)
成长。成功 by 刘墉 (everyone says he's good, I have to find it out myself)
Remember me? by Sophie Kisella (funny, hilarious, perfect!)

currently on: 十月 by 许友彬 (my mum says he's good)

to be read: Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer (I only have the 2nd and last book, looks like this will have to be delayed)
Shopaholic takes Manhattan by Sophie Kinsella (I read the 4th book, then the 1st one then the 5th one, so I'm left with the 2nd and 3rd one! I know it's weird)
Shopaholic ties the knot by Sophie Kinsella
Can you keep a secret? by Sophie Kinsella (I've read the sypnosis, looks nice)
Undomestic goddess by Sophie Kinsella (I just have to)
The vampire's diaries by L.J. Smith (I've bought it, so no reasons not to read)
Devil wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger (I LOVE clothes, fashion)
PS: I love you by Cecelia Ahern (everybody loves it, I'll have to find out why)
False impression by I-don't-know-who (something new! It'll be my 1st detective book)
闪亮时光 by 许友彬 (to improve my Chinese?)
海马爸爸 by 陈龙明 (my cousin says it's very touching)
一公升的眼泪 by I-don't-know-who (the storyline seems interesting)

HSM 3: senior year

2008-10-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I've actually ponteng school today just for a movie. Okay, not actually for just a movie but to escape those torturing activities and the senamrobik thingy. And, how could I resist not to watch High School Musical 3 when the 2 previous movies was such a big thing. Well, since I've not watched the previous 2, so I want to see how good it really is. I can't compare this one with the previous, but this is what I've got to say.

I don't know is it because I've went in with a little expectations or was it really that bad, but it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. And the worst thing is I keep feeling like laughing when they start singing, maybe I'm still not that used to musical movies. The opening was not bad with it's first song, Now Or Never. Frankly and sorry to say, that was the only song that I felt interesting thoughout the movie. I am not saying that they didn't sang well, I'm saying that the songs don't make you want to sing along and certainly not those that I'll remember for a lomg time. It's the songs not the actors.

Well yes, Zac Efron was cute(actually, all blue-eyed ppl are cute because the blue in their eyes look as though they can see through your heart), Vanessa Hudgens was sweet sweet SWEET, and the others were funny. When everybody's eyes are on the main cast, didn't you noticed that that Kelsi girl is kinda cute in a way too?

A few last words: the movie's rather OK, songs are not exactly that bad, casts are cute & funny, don't think so logically, don't go with too high expectations, nice graduation & prom.

Honestly, if my school is that fun, I'll be sure I won't ponteng again for a movie.

who cares about the results, it's OVER

2008-10-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

I may be the last person to blog about PMR getting over but I'm still very glad to do so. So, it's finally over, I feel so much lighter. The results? there's no need to think about it as the moment will come when it should.

The last paper, Geography wasn't as easy as I tought it would be but still rather OK. At first, I didn't felt much of PMR being over after we stepped out the classroom and kept asking what did they answered for this question and that question that Mei Ling had to stop me. Anyway, Shu Teng, Pik San, Mei Ling, Huey Nee, Linnette, Pei Ying & me went to I U to celebrate. ST, ML & me went first and waited for them at McD. Knowing dat McD is such a place that everybody would stop by and buy a drink or so, I can't even remember how many classmates I met. And finally, they arrived. can you believe that Pik San actually wore a SKIRT?

Then we went to SINMA, Craft haven, the cinema & MPH. That's briefly what it is coz as you can see ,I'm rushing. The laptop is gonna run out of battery and dad forgot to bring the tool back. So, next time

I'm suffering...X.x

2008-09-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

So, miraculously I still manage to scribble down this post before PMR. Shhhh......keep this a secret. I'll be slaughtered if they know.

I'll have to do this quietly, not even the tapping sound of d keyboard, dont want to risk my head.

Just want PMR to come and go faster, hope I won't die in the process of waiting. I never knew it could be so painful, so hard.

So, what do I have to do now? ........sign off and study, I guess.

X.x

X.x

2008-09-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

officially dead til after PMR..... X.x

sighs

2008-08-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

X.x .......died

Glory for once

2008-08-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

LEE CHONG WEI BEAT LEE HYUN IL !!!

our only hope for 1st gold, he better get it right in the finals

A Matahari thing, plus a few outsiders

2008-07-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

Friendliest : Pik San
Prettiest: Errrr...???
Ugliest: No one's ugly
Most talkative: Probably me!
Most arrogant: I don't know if she's just too straight forward or so
Most immature: Tong, Timothy, Daryl...still playing those games at this age
Most mature: no idea
Most perfect: nobody is near perfect, they're simply too bookworm-ish
Most careless: probably me too
Most obsessive: ????
Closest one to you : at heart- Chermaine/ sitting position wise- Shu Teng & Mei Ling
One you've known for longest: Huey Nee, Shu teng
One you can most relate to: dunno
One that shares your personality: no two person in the world is same
One that is most like you physically: don't think I have a look-a-like
One that you've known for the less longest: huh?
One that has the worst grammar: I have to admit, that's me
One that has the best grammar: maybe Li Ying?
One that shares your hobbies: Shu Teng
One shares your musical interest: Chermaine
One that does not share your musical interest: mmm...
One who does not have a cellphone: me!
Skinniest: Shu Teng
Smartest: Davinaa, Shaun Jing Andrew, Li Ying...
One that has the darkest hair color: ???
One that has the lightest hair color: Yoke Mun
One that has failed a grade that you know of: the sad thing is all my pals are geniuses
One that paints their nails more often: Huey Nee
One that never paints their nails: me!
Happiest: I'm happy, I have a lot of emos around me
Most creative: Ng Hann Clive
Most random: you!
Less creative: errr
One that spends the most time on the computer: ??? but definitely not me
One that spends the least time on the computer: those super clever top-in-class ppl
One that you have skipped school with the most: never skip without reason
One that you have skipped koko with the most: Chermaine
One that has the longest nails: Huey Nee & Wen Yi
One that has the shortest nails: me?

Hi again

2008-07-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

5 things found in your bag
- textbooks I hate
- pencil box
- specs case
- purse
- Garden Spells

5 things found in your purse
- $$
- fotostated IC
- pics of my pals & me
- student card
- a lucky charm

5 fav things in your room
- my cosy bed
- my soft pals
- my art & craft stuff
- my fluffy slippers
- my cute figurines

5 types of human

- quiet & keeps everything to themselves

- loud & outgoing

- boring ppl

- eyesores

- bookworms

5 things you've always wanted to do

- be a celeb!

- let my hair down without worrying it getting untidy

- own my own fashion line

- shop without checking the price tag

- make those ppl I hate impressed

5 things you are currently into

- study, study and study

- drawing faces

- Grey's Anatomy

- Bones

- chocolate

I know it's been long since the last time I'm here.....................I'm BACK!!! .........................Unfortunately for only an hour........................

Another thing I can remember of my teenage year

2008-06-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

First, it was watching series for the whole night with my cousin sis.
Now, staying up doing project till erm.... it's 7: 30am now.

What a memorable day.........:)

yawn still strugglin

2008-06-08T06:30:00.001-07:00

I'm dizzy, my back aches, the biscuit's not nice anymore. I feel like as if I'm gonna faint d next minute. Being up for 19 hours half an hour more, everybody will be like dat. The amazing thing is I am still AWAKE with a little bit more of energy. I'm still doing my project, blogging and reading Felicia's old posts. Maybe those posts were the magic that kept me awake :) maybe that the reason I've not finish my project too :(

Don't believe I'm this crazy to be up in this time of d night? I can prove it. It started raining a bit about 6 am.

torturings in my life

2008-06-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

It's 3:30am now in the middle of d night or should I say very early in the morning. Yes, you have not read wrong, it's 3 something in the dead of the night. Well, not so dead, I can still see lights on in my neighbours room.

Don't ask me what am I doing here. I don't know why am I torturing myself. Feeling all sleepy, dizzy and blurr, I'm DOING MY GEO PROJECT.

I'm even having problems typing this post. keep typing d wrong alphabets. Ugh... better continue or I'll have to see d sunrise with my laptop.

SHOPPING!!!!

2008-06-08T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'm tired, my legs ache, I can barely walk, but I'm happy happy HAPPY! cuz WE WENT SHOPPING afterall eventhough I'm still strugglin with my geo project.

FIRST STOP: Craft Haven

I love Craft Haven.

I'm a scrapaholic(but I've never done one).

Saw lovely scrap book materials but d price was lovely too. Nevermind, I don't care, I'm determined to do my 1st scrap book as a present to somebody eventhough it may cost my whole piggy bank.They sell material for doing ur DIY earrings too. First time seeing art & craft shop selling these, they usually sell materials for bracelets only. I'll consider doing earrings too, they'll save my piggy bank a little.

SECOND STOP: TGV

Bought tickets for 9:10pm Narnia

THIRD STOP: Waffle something(can't recall)

Shared two waffles. Strawberry topping and Banana with hazelnut topping.

LAST STOP: Baleno

Bought two polo shirts, white one's my mum's and mine's yellow for RM70. Got myself a belt striped with white, pink and brown. Bought 3 pair of socks for RM 20. But only d grey & dark pink one is mine.

1st year I manage to remember it

2008-06-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday

Shu Teng

Ugh...I hate projects

2008-06-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

Owww........ I still have two and a half day till school reopen and I haven't finish HALF of my Geo project. I'm easily distracted.

I'm distracted by
blogging or you'll not have this post to read
Chocolate I can't resist
Shopping my parents r out now n I have to stay doing this stupid project

As I said, I am easily distracted even when I am doing the project. Well, I was finding infos about S'pore when I saw this Mediacorp(S'pore boardcasting company) then I went clickin it to My Champion(S'pore TV series)rmbrs me that semi nude scene with the girls in bikini to Felicia Chin to her personal blog.

Believe it or not, she's juz like a typical high school girl. Not even the slightest hint it's a celeb's blog(minus the advertising part). Nice photos too. Check it ur self at felicia's personal blog
It'll be better if I go back to my project. Chao........

p/s: I'm not a fan of her

yay, gummy bears!

2008-06-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Hey, I love gummy bears!

ERrrmm....you sure thats me?

2008-06-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: April 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined.

Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation.

Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you.

You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively.

Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics

Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness

Your power color: Navy blue

Your power symbol: Shield

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I don't think I'm THAT boring.
PLEASE tell me I'm not.

She Makes No History

The many facets of writing

Here we go again..

First love

THE thing called money

Reach out

The Paradox of Life

Leave me alone today

Digging in

A flurry

Choices and Consequences, they link

A lurch. A pang. A sting

When the heart speaks

A new year, A new chapter

On a rainy day

As life goes on...

Sometimes my thoughts just find its way out from my fingers

Embarking on a Taylor's journey

To her and to myself

pulsating heat, hurdles ahead

And Goodni.....no, Good morning!

Insecurity makes me shiver

life.....

I want sunflowers at my funeral

this is life

sweet fond memories, untouchable

Aloha!

I miss being terrified?!

Of friends, friendship and our moments

dear exam, I hate you

只手遮天曾几时?万人有口终能说

goodbye exams, hello boredom

Is 6 o'clock in the morning late? nah, it's early

check list

Ouch, it hurts

X.x

when you know when you're gonna die and how

bloody f5's

If only I was more deadly

I gave happiness but who's to give me my money?

when skies are blue outside yet grey inside

be weak and be gone

when skies are grey

Oops

:)

loving my life

daadeedaadeedoo!

"it's her problem, not mine"

Ooh, ooh!

So, what's next?

Brought up from the death --__--

hydrolytic enzyme? huh?

Ugh.. my HAND!!!

oink! oink!

Finally I can breathe

too busy to breathe

longing...

breaking news

just another tag

On a boring Saturday nite

I like to move it move it

happy HAPPY b'day!

busy busy holiday

HSM 3: senior year

who cares about the results, it's OVER

I'm suffering...X.x

X.x

sighs

Glory for once

A Matahari thing, plus a few outsiders

Hi again

Another thing I can remember of my teenage year

*yawn* still strugglin

torturings in my life

SHOPPING!!!!

1st year I manage to remember it

Ugh...I hate projects

yay, gummy bears!

ERrrmm....you sure thats me?

yawn still strugglin